I did something right now that I never do. Well, not never, I’ve done it, but not in a very long time. When I saw the free write prompt, I immediately pushed past the urge to do it; because I don’t like to write with restrictions, be it of time or word count… I’ve done it, but I don’t like it. Hours passed and the urge came back. So I said ‘fuck it’, set a timer, tried to shut off my brain and just write whatever for ten minutes. So, yaaay, here’s some random:
I am never completely sure of anything. I’m only about 90% sure that I’m real, that my fingers can feel the keys, that my eyes can see the letters forming on the screen before me as I type. I’m only about 80% sure of my own humanity and only about 10% sure that I even know what humanity means anymore. Maybe those parts of myself that I hide, that I run from, that I deny, that I label as demons and hope to keep dormant… Maybe these shadows of what I hoped to be are the only humanity left in me by now. In that case, I’m about 20% sure of my humanity.
I’m only about 5% sure that I know what I mean and even less sure that I know how this will end. I’m about 75% sure that I’m alone when I see no one around me, and only 7% sure that I’m not when I feel crowded. I’m 15% sure I’ll have done something that could be perceived as meaningful with my time before it runs out and 14% sure that I already have. I’m about 2% sure that I’ll live forever and I’m only about 82% sure that I’ll be missed if I don’t.
I like to think I know myself pretty well, but the only thing I’m 100% sure of is that in life I will never be sure of anything.
Yeah, I thought I’d write something longer in 10 minutes, but apparently not.