10 Minute Self-Assessment

I did something right now that I never do. Well, not never, I’ve done it, but not in a very long time. When I saw the free write prompt, I immediately pushed past the urge to do it; because I don’t like to write with restrictions, be it of time or word count… I’ve done it, but I don’t like it. Hours passed and the urge came back. So I said ‘fuck it’, set a timer, tried to shut off my brain and just write whatever for ten minutes. So, yaaay, here’s some random:

I am never completely sure of anything. I’m only about 90% sure that I’m real, that my fingers can feel the keys, that my eyes can see the letters forming on the screen before me as I type. I’m only about 80% sure of my own humanity and only about 10% sure that I even know what humanity means anymore. Maybe those parts of myself that I hide, that I run from, that I deny, that I label as demons and hope to keep dormant… Maybe these shadows of what I hoped to be are the only humanity left in me by now. In that case, I’m about 20% sure of my humanity.

I’m only about 5% sure that I know what I mean and even less sure that I know how this will end. I’m about 75% sure that I’m alone when I see no one around me, and only 7% sure that I’m not when I feel crowded. I’m 15% sure I’ll have done something that could be perceived as meaningful with my time before it runs out and 14% sure that I already have. I’m about 2% sure that I’ll live forever and I’m only about 82% sure that I’ll be missed if I don’t.

I like to think I know myself pretty well, but the only thing I’m 100% sure of is that in life I will never be sure of anything.

Yeah, I thought I’d write something longer in 10 minutes, but apparently not.


2 thoughts on “10 Minute Self-Assessment

  1. Reblogged this on A Foggy Realm of Reality and commented:
    My turn! Ten minutes goes by fast… >.>

    {Does the sound of rainfall give you chills or cause you to perspire? Knowing rain can come at most temperatures, in liquid form in particular, doesn’t change the fact i associate it with decreasing my internal core. Starting from my spine, rolling off my shoulders, ripples fluctuate over the top of my head as if trying to escape and transform into something else. My favorite is when that feeling can be visualized as steam rising off of my hair, the air around me dropping significantly in temperature, arriving almost in unison with the raindrops. Sometimes just before the first icey drops send goosebumps down my arms, several long strands of my hair will start to rise from the static, claps of thunder igniting my wonder and slight insanity that I’m out in a thunderstorm, happily ready to experience lightning first hand. Luckily I am still left wanting, but nevertheless my appreciation for nature’s show does not decrease with time. The sound of rain is accompanied by the echoes off the rooftops, the smell of moisture heavy in the air even before it hits the pavement, giving the illusion to me that rain has a smell. Still, even in the heat, I tremble in shivers, my first thought to make a cup of cocoa or tea and sit by a wood fire. My favorite perfume is from the grey smoke encompassing me in a sweet blanket of musks, depending on the type of wood that is converted to ash. Ever create pictures on your jeans with the remanence of fire? Soot and ash turned into a charcoal fantasy that can be easily wiped away by a breeze or a few drops of nature’s tears.}


  2. Pingback: Daily Prompt: Ready, Set, Done | tnkerr-Writing Prompts and Practice

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