I remember the first blog I created, back when I was in my mid teens and me and all my siblings shared the same computer.
I remember leaving the blog open one day when I vacated the computer.
I remember my older brother setting me aside the next day and asking me why I thought I wanted to be a biologist. I was a bit offended. I took it as him saying I wasn’t capable enough to be a biologist like he was. I was really mad at him.
This brother of mine, we have a very similar temperament. So now I realize that he didn’t know how to say what he meant. Just like I often don’t know how to say what I mean… What he meant was that he read what I had been writing and it was perfectly clear to him that that’s what I was supposed to be doing with my life.
He never brought it up again. Not even the hint of an “I told you so” when I quit college. I suppose I’d owe him an apology, but he’ll probably never get it. It’s not how it works in this family. We don’t say things like “I told you so” or “I was wrong”. I needed to make my mistakes to get where I am and that’s something we both understand. The past is where we left it.
Sometimes though… At five in the morning… When I can’t sleep… I have to wonder how things would have gone if only I had listened.