1) You talk to yourself… then you talk back… And eventually you have to try and mediate this complicated argument between you and you. Which you fail to do. In the middle of the night. When normal well adjusted people are asleep.
A lot of people talk to themselves. Everyone in my family does that. It takes a special kind of crazy to maintain full arguments and attempt to settle them peacefully only to end up getting sucked in to the drama and arguing even more. So then you end up with a three-way screaming fit going on in your head at four in the morn-… Oh, that’s just me? Oh… Well then, scratch that.
2) You have the manipulative skills of a psychopath, but never used them for anything other than to involve people in completely unbelievable stories.
I once convinced one of my friends that it is possible to spit from the top of the Empire State building, get to ground floor and be hit in the head by said spit. Don’t ask me how I did it because fuck if I still remember. But I did.
And people still laugh at the poor bastard for trying to sell that story to others.
3) You wonder about details no one really cares about and have no practical use whatsoever
I’ve spent more time thinking about medieval toilets than I am willing to admit. Do I plan on writing about any of my characters in the toilet? Nope.
4) Plotting death becomes second nature
My sister and I had this game for when we were running errands and were stuck in line… we would look around the room and see how many different ways there was to kill someone using just the objects in that room…
Post offices are death traps. Death traps, I tell you.
5) You stare at everything and everyone for uncomfortable lengths of time for absolutely no reason.
Sometimes, hell most times, you’re not even looking at them, you’re just looking right through them. Ten minutes later and everyone is looking at you like you’re some sort of weirdo and you have no idea why.
6) You’re constantly wondering if some things will ever make sense to anyone other than you
Told my mom about my side project idea… She didn’t understand a word of it and just nodded along like she does when my brother talks science. It’s not that complicated… I think… I hope… Does anything ever make sense outside my brain damn it?
7) People look at you and think it all comes easy… And sometimes they resent that.
My brother gets upset when I tell him to just write his ideas. He gives me that “it’s not that easy for me.” response. Well… It’ not fucking easy for me either. Any writer who tells you it’s easy has never actually tried writing a book or is lying. Simple as that.
8) You’re often overly emotional for completely imaginary reasons
I’ve cried more over the death of fictional characters than I have real flesh and blood relatives.
9) The lines between horrific and awesome become extremely blurry
You know what’s awesome? DECAPITATION!
No? Oh… Ehem…
10) You doubt yourself every single day, but deep down you regret nothing
Writing is hard, life consuming, work. It’s a solitary endeavor in many ways and it rarely pays as much as it should. We all know that. Does it matter? Nah. We’re too far gone to turn back now.