My Immortal Chapters 4-6 (With Commentary)

[Chapters: 1-3, 4-6, 7-9, 10-12, 13-15, 16-18, 19-22, 23-25, 26-28, 29-31, 32-34, 35-37, 38-4142-44]

Here we are again with some more My Immortal. Chapters are pretty short so I can do up to three of them at a time. That’s great because there are like, forty chapters in this thing. =_=

Also, not that it matters, but I’m doing several of these posts at a time and scheduling them. So excuse me if I don’t chat about my day and stuff during these intros, but… I’ll be making separate posts for that if and when something interesting happens with me.

This is one of my favorite parts coming up next… So let’s get started!

Chapter 4.

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony’s name is ENOBY [which is it, Tara?] nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! [because, as we all know, that’s how true love works] dey nu eechodder b4 ok!


“DRACO!” I shouted. “What the fuck do you think you are doing?” [this might be the most repeated question in this fic… and the answer is ALWAYS ‘who the fuck knows?’]

Draco didn’t answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

No wonder they can’t seem to put two brain cells together…

“What the fucking hell?” I asked angrily.

“Ebony?” he asked.

“What?” I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn’t feel mad anymore. [he drove me into the woods in the middle of the night ignoring my protests, but the depressing evilness in his eyes told me everything would be okay – said no woman ever]

And then…………… suddenly just as I [just as you.. what? Wait, do I even want to know? Never mind] Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree [he climbed on top of her?] He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. [If only 50 Shades was this direct with its sex scenes…]

“Oh! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….


It was…………………………………………………….Dumbledore! [gasp!]

Chapter 5.

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache [insert Advil commercial] ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!


Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

“You ludacris fools!” he shouted

Wait, when did he get involved? ^.- (It’s spelled ‘ludicrous’, btw)

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry. [If they’re both Slytherin what does McGonagall care that they’re busted?]

“They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!” he yelled in a furious voice.

“Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?” asked Professor McGonagall.

Don’t know about you guys, but I would pay good money to see Maggie Smith say that line.

“How dare you?” demanded Professor Snape. [overdramatic Snape is overdramatic…]

And then Draco shrieked. “BECAUSE I LOVE HER!” [because shrieking is sooo attractive in a guy]

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. “Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms.”

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

“Are you okay, Ebony?” Draco asked me gently.

“Yeah I guess.” I lied. I went to the girl’s dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. [Aren’t you going to bed, Enoby?] When I came out….

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing ‘I just wanna live’ by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn’t supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.

Chapter 6.

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! [Total of correct words; 5/14]


The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple. [blah blah, clothes, make up, hair]

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood [even her breakfast is redundant]. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top. [crap, she’s gonna have to change again]

“Bastard!” I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face [geez, you just met the guy, Eboby!] and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn’t have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco’s and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m a girl so I didn’t get one you sicko [you were horny, we get it… Why put us through you weird girl-boner analogy?].

“I’m so sorry.” he said in a shy voice.

“That’s all right. What’s your name?” I questioned.

“My name’s Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days.” he grumbled.

“Why?” I exclaimed.

“Because I love the taste of human blood.” he giggled. [manly]

“Well, I am a vampire.” I confessed.

“Really?” he whimpered. [why are you whimpering?]

“Yeah.” I roared. [for fucks sake]

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him. [gee, wonder what it is…]

Spoiler alert!


Six chapters down… Thirty eight to go. Twins have mercy on me.

Also, I’d like to make clear that despite the black hair and red eyes, Luckas is not a ‘gof’. >.>

“What does that even mean?”

“I don’t know, but you are not!”

See you guys next time. More horrible Christian-Potter coming up next. 😉


2 thoughts on “My Immortal Chapters 4-6 (With Commentary)

  1. That line from Dumbledore always gets me thinking. “Dumbledore was a wizard on the edge. A strung out magic user who didn’t play by the rules. He thought he had gone as far as anyone could, until he met Harry Potter. The one they called Dirty Harry.”

    Liked by 1 person

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