Hey guys! Welcome to… This thing again. Another one of my favorite parts coming up next. This one is pretty fucking hilarious too. At least I think so.
But, no more stalling, let’s just get to it.
Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life [Chapter titles… Fancy]
AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony isn’t a Marie Sue ok she isn’t perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake! [correct words: 22/53 and at least 3 of those correct words were the word ‘I’]
Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs [they used the nail polish as an adhesive of some sort?]. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u? [uhm…. yes!]). I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…………
We started frenching passively [that sounds horrible] and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy’s thingy in mine [and for the duration of this sex scene Enovy developed a boy thingy… We did not need to know that] and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid? [once again: yes])
“Oh Draco, Draco!” I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco’s arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words………… Vampire! [one word, Eboby… Vampire is one. Fucking. WORD.]
I was so angry. [so am I]
“You bastard!” I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.
“No! No! But you don’t understand!” Draco pleaded. But I knew too much. [how is that possible?]
“No, you fucking idiot!” I shouted. “You probably have AIDs anyway!” [homophobia FTW]
I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire’s classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.
“VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” I yelled. [Uh oh, I think she has a headache]
AN: stop flassing ok! if u do den u r a prep! [I don’t know what that means, and it doesn’t sound pleasant]
Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.
“Ebony, it’s not what you think!” Draco screamed sadly.
My friend B’loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly [saying that this sentence is fucking dumb is one hell of an understatement]. She flipped her long waste-length [ooh. trashy] gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. [not only can she smile right at Eboby before opening her eyes, but she also had her eyes closed in the middle of a fucking lesson… Wonder who that bitch is…] She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Hermione [oh come on!] was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it [vampires are bigger pussies in this thing than in Twilight]. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger [because Granger wasn’t generic enough, I assume]. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor [because the houses are all about religious segregation]. )
“What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!” Snape demeaned [demeaned is strangely accurate, pretty sure that was an accident] angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.
“Vampire, I can’t believe you cheated on me with Draco!” I shouted at him. [Draco is your boyfriend you moron, not Vampire]
Everyone gasped. [the cast of My Immortal has a harder time breathing than Bella fucking Swan]
I don’t know why Ebony was so mad at me. I had went out with Vampire (I’m bi and so is Ebony) for a while but then he broke my heart. [POV changes; don’t. Just fucking don’t] He dumped me because he liked Britney [either there a shit tone of Britneys in this school, or Britney just really likes ruining it for everyone], a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)
“But I’m not going out with Draco anymore!” said Vampire.
“Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!” I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility to Draco and then I started to bust into tears. [okay, so apparently we’re back to Eboby]
AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! [you wrote it, whose fucking fault would it be, Tara?] besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian [maybe someone should educate him on ‘the Dawkins’] and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX!
I was so mad and sad. I couldn’t believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco.
Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything [everything, what?] started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn’t have a nose [yes we know] (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn’t gothic. It was…… Voldemort!
“No!” I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted “Imperius!” and I couldn’t run away.
“Crookshanks!” [ROFLWUT!? Is she pokemon-battling the Dark Lord with Hermione’s cat? Because that… That sounds pretty epic actually] I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I’m a sadist so I stopped. [you’re a disgrace to sadists everywhere, Enovy, Also it seems that Voldemort is afraid of cats… Kinda like the Creepers from Minecraft]
“Ebony.” he yelled. “Thou must kill Vampire Potter!” [why must thou talketh in such manner?]
I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn’t understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? [No shit, Sherlock!]
“No, Voldemort!” I shouted back.
Voldemort gave me a gun. “No! Please!” I begged. [how about you just shoot the fucker?]
“Thou must!” he yelled. “If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!”
“How did you know?” I asked in a surprised way.
Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. “I hath telekinesis.” [that word… I don’t think it means what you think it means Tara…] he answered cruelly.
“And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!” he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.
I was so scared and mad I didn’t know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.
“Draco!” I said. “Hi!”
“Hi.” he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way. [sooo, he’s still naked?]
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“No.” he answered.
“I’m sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me.” I expelled.
“That’s okay.” he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. [he’s still totally naked, isn’t he? Goddamn it Tara]
This is pretty damn stupid, but it still seems to be attempting some sort of plot at least. Trust me; it won’t last much longer. It gets more idiotic. Yes; more idiotic than Voldemort speaking in ye olde english and giving dude-ur-so-retarded looks (in his defense though; Eboby is quite retarded)