My Immortal Chapters 13-15 (With Commentary)

[Chapters: 1-3, 4-6, 7-9, 10-12, 13-15, 16-18, 19-22, 23-25, 26-28, 29-31, 32-34, 35-37, 38-4142-44]

Welcome back to My Immortal repost with commentary… I don’t freaking remember what happens anymore at this point, but I’m sure it’ll come back to me in a brain cell murdering goffik rampage…

Let’s begin.


Chapter 13.

AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom [I’ll refrain from making a ‘mastication’ joke here, let’s just move on]! PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG! 


Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared.

“Dumbledore Dumblydore!” we both yelled. Dumbledore came there. [I said no mastication jokes, Tara!]

“What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?” he asked angrily.

“Volsemort has Draco!” we shouted at the same time.

He laughed in an evil voice.

“No! Don’t! We need to save Draco!” we begged.

“No.” he said meanly. “I don’t give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school [wow, that’s a bit extreme, huh? He can’t have a headache though, cause he’s not cursing… hmmm…] especially with YOU Ebony.” he said while he frowned looking at me. “Besides I never liked him that much anyway.” then he walked away. Vampire started crying. “My Draco!” he moaned. (AN: don’t u fik gay guyz r lik so hot! [some, but I’m pretty sure homosexuality is in no way a factor])

“Its okay!” I tried to tell him but that didn’t stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. Then he had a brainstorm. “I had an idea!” he exclaimed. [Oh, I remember this. This is going to get so retarded…]

“What?” I asked him.

“You’ll see.” he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then…… suddenly we were in Voldemprt’s lair! [OMFG! Why didn’t they try that in the books!?]

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. “Allah Kedavra!” [I don’t know if I should say something about this… I’ll just… ehem]
It was……………………………….. Voldemort!

Dun dun DU-…. Wait, why are we surprised to find Volsemort in his own lair? Damn it I used the prairie dog in vain. IN VAAAIN.

Chapter 14.

AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists. PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws!


WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD. [I don’t think I’m gonna be taking that advice, thank you very much]

We ran to where Volcemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn’t there. Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was [oh, scuse me… Poor Cedric is in this fic after all]. Draco was there crying tears of blood. Snaketail was torturing him. Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail.

“Rid my sight you despicable preps!” [that’s… an interesting dialogue choice…] he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. “EbonyIloveyouwiluhavesexwithme.” he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok) [Wuuut?]

“Huh?” I asked.
”Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?” asked Snaketail. I started laughing crudely. “What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard.” I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. [with the gun?] Blood pored out of it like a fountain. [yeeeah, that wouldn’t happen]

“Nooooooooooooo!” he screamed.

Mandatory Vader reference time!

He started screaming and running around. [you stabbed him in the HEART] Then he fell down and died. I brust into tears sadly. [you’re sad the guy you stabbed in the heart died? And you’re a sadist, you say? ^.-]

“Snaketail what art thou doing?” [dying] called Voldemort. Then…… he started coming! [not a mental image I wanted] We could hear his high heels clacking to us.

[Okay, hold on. HOLD ON. *rereads* What the… Voldemort is… Voldemort is in heels… Like… In high heels…]

So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying.

“What’s wrong honey?” asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw [stand up guy, ain’t he? ^.-]. He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything.

“Its so unfair!” I yielded. “Why can’t I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B’loody Mary, because she’s not ugly or anything.” [oh boy, we know where this is going…]

“Why would you wanna be ugly? I don’t like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts.” answered Draco.

“Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he’s in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! [even Enoby has had enough of your crap, Tara!] I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?” I shouted angrily. (an” don’t wory enoby isn’t a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty [surely no one would ever lie about that]) “Im good at too many things! [lol] WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT’S A FUCKING CURSE! [LOL]” I shouted and then I ran away.

Chapter 15.

AN: stup flaming ok! btw u suk frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gona slit muh ristsz! [and no one cares… that’s how horrible this fic is, Tara] fangz 2 raven 4 hlpein!


“Ebony Ebony!” shouted Draco sadly. “No, please, come back!”

But I was too mad.

“Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Vampire!” I shouted. [is she giving him permission…?] I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it [the key? WHAT?]. He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire. I started to cry and weep. I took a razor and started to slit my wrists. I drank the blood all depressed. Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class.

I put on a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchy on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt. Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Joel all over them with blood red letters. I put my ebony black hair out. Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual. I did sum advanced Biology work. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar [how is that biology work in any way?]. Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco!

“Enoby I love you!” he shouted sadly. “I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink. Ur da most beautiful girl in the world. Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time. Now I just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you!.” Then……………. he started to sing “Da Chronicles of Life and Death” (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it) right in front of the entire class! His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson (AN: don’t u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!) .

“OMFG.” I said after he was finished. Some fucking preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Draco’s now) at them. “I love you!” I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch [then don’t compare yourself to her, you dumbass!]) and CMM in a Cinderella Story. Then we went away holding hands. Loopin [wasn’t he in… uh… St. Mango’s or some shit?] shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether [it’s fucking curse! *sobs*]. Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmede right then. We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether. [fuck school, let’s go to a random concert because potatoes!]


I’m sorry, I’m writing this at a really late hour and I’m still trying not to picture Voldemort in drag, so…. Later guys.



6 thoughts on “My Immortal Chapters 13-15 (With Commentary)

  1. Dumbledore is my favorite character in this story. In some really weird way, he’s the only character that is remotely realistic. I just picture an old man who really should have retired years ago, but because of tenure, they can’t get rid of him so he can do whatever the hell he wants.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Arrg! I’m getting myself all caught up in the My Immortal universe now! The “artist” in me wants to explain away all the inexplicable. I’ve fallen down the rabbits hole and I’m afraid I may never surface.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. So, I just now started reading these posts because I realized it was another Harry Potter fanfic. I’m torn between wanting the last twenty minutes of my life back and being thankful for how many LOL’s those 15 chapters jut caused…

    Liked by 1 person

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