“Oh, great, we’re still doing this thing!” – You all think, sarcastically of course.
Yeah, of all the things I could commit to, it had to be this. I have a book I’ve been trying to get done for like 10 years, but if I’m going to finish SOMETHING… *sigh* I need psychiatric help, I just do… Fucking hell.
Let’s just get on with this.
AN: dhut da fok up biches!1 ur jus jelos koz I gut 10000 reviowz!1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help n telin me bout da boox gurlu rok letz go shopin 2getha! [I’m sorry… we’re on chapter 23 of this atrocity and only now… ONLY NOW… has someone told you about the books, Tara? SERIOUSLY TARA!?]
The door [to where? I actually went back to reread the previous chapter and nope… no idea where this is] opened and Proffesor Rumbridge and Cornelia Fudge stomped out angrily. Then Dumbledum and Rumbridge sawed us.
“MR. WAY WHAT THE BEEP ARE YOU DOING!” Rumbridge shouted angrily. Dumbledore blared at her. [Beep? Again, we’re past the halfway mark of this F-bomb filled atrocity and now you’re censoring yourself? I think we’re WAY past that point of ‘beeping’, Tara… We’ve already read a fuckton of fucks to get here]
“Oops she made a mistake!” he corrupted her. “She means hi everybody cum in!” [he corrupted her… he corrup-… *rubs temples* I’ve been away in the real world too long, I forgot what I’m dealing with]
Well we all came in [where?] angrily. So did all the other students. I sat between Darkness and Draco and opposite B’loody Mary. Crab and Goyle started 2 make some morbid jokes. They both looked exactly like Ville Vollo. I eight some Count Chocula and drank som blood from a cup [oh, so they’re having breakfast… okay… But why did Rumbrige have a problem with them being there then? You make no sense fic!]. Then I herd someone shooting angrily. I looked behind me it was………Vampire! He and Draco were shooting at eachother. [like, with guns? That’s a bit extreme, isn’t it?]
“Vampire, Draco WTF?” I asked.
“You fucking bustard!” yelled Draco at Vampire. “I want to shit next to her!1” [you want to WHAT? O.O IIIIIWWW, people are EATING!]
“No I do!” shouted. [Has this turned into one of those weird animes the internet likes to make fun of?]
“No she doesn’t fucking like u, you son of a bitch!” yelled Draco.
“No fuck you motherfucker she laves me not you!” shouted Vampire. And then……………… he jumped on Draco! (no not in dat way u perv [hello pot, I’m kettle]) They started to fight and beat up each other.
Dumbldore yelled at them but they didn’t stop. All of a sudden…… a terrible man with red eyes and no nose [just say it’s Voldemort, we all fucking know it’s Voldemort! Why are you trying to build suspense when he’s already appeared fifty fucking times before?] flew in on his broomstick. He had no nose [WE KNOW!] and was wearing a gray robe. All the glass in the window he flew thru fell apart [after he was already inside? He must be a wizar-… oh… Neve mind… That joke fails >.>]. Britney that fucking prep started to cry [if I witnessed the laws of physics going nuts right in front of my eyes I probably would too]. Vampire and Draco stopped fighting….I shopped eating….Everyone gasped. Da room fell silent………………….Volzemort! [WE KNOOOWWW!!!]
“Eboby…..Ebony…….” Darth Valer [NOOOOOO…. That’s not true! That’s IMPOSSIBLE! Ehem. *giggle-snort*] sed evilly in his raspy voice. “Thou [stop talking like that, just… just… staaahp] havfe failed ur mission. Now I shall kill thou and I shall kill Vampire as well. If thou does not kill him before then I shall kill Draco too!”
“Plz don’t make me kill him plz!” I begged.
“No!” he laughed crudely. “Kill him, or I shall kill him anyway!” [then why don’t you just kill all of them right NOW!?] Then he flew away cackling. [Welp, that does it… Voldemort is officially a cartoon villain in this universe. Why is anyone even afraid of this guy? He never does anything!]
I bust into tears. Draco and Vampire came to contort me [I… uh… is this a sex thing? In this fic I really can’t be sure…]. Suddenly my eyes rolled up so they looked all cool and gothic. I had a vision were I saw some lighting flash and then Voldremot coming to kill Draco while Draco slit his wrists in a depressed way.
“No!” I screamed sexily. [are they still ‘contorting’ her?] Suddenly I locked up and stopped having the vision. [okay, no comments on that one]
“Ebony Ebony aure you alright?” asked Draco in a worried voice.
“Yeah yeah.” I said sadly as I got up.
“Everyfing’s all right Enoby.” said Vampire all sensetive.
“No its not!” I shouted angrily. Tearz of blood went down my face. “OMFG what if I’m getting possessed like in Da Ring 2!” [omfg, a movie I just realized exists and thought it was a more important reference than the fucking Harry Potter books, where a main character also gets possessed! Just… fuck you, Eboby]
“Its ok gurl.” said B’loody Mary. “Maybe u should ask Proffesor Sinister about what the visions mean though.”
“Ok bich.” I said sadly and den we went.
AN: prepz stup flaming da story ur jus jelous so fuk u ok go 2 hel!11 raven fagz 4 di help!
Well we had Deviation next [I don’t think anyone in this fic needs to actually learn that] so I got to ask Proffessor [don’t make me use the Ted Mosby gif again, Tara!] Trevolry about the visions.
“Konnichiwa everybody come in.” said Proffesor [Goddamnit, Tara!] Sinister in Japanese. She smelled at me with her gothic black lipstick. She’s da coolest fucking teacher ever. She had long dead black hair with blood red tips and red eyes [her hair has EYES? That’s… Disturbing. O.o]. (hr mom woz a vampire [of course]. She’s also haf Japanese so she speaks it and everyfing [I don’t think Tara understands that you don’t need to be Japanese in any way to learn the language ^.-]. she n b’loody mry get along grate) She’s really young for a teacher. 2day she was wearing a black leather top with red lace and a long goffik black ripped dress. We went inside the black classroom with pastors of Emily the Strong. I raced my hand. I was wearing some black naie Polish with red pentagrams on it. [have no idea wtf she’s trying to say here. Really. No Idea.]
“What is it Ebony?” she asked. “Hey I love ur nail polish where’d u get it, Hot Topik?”
“Yeah.” I answered. All the preps who didn’t know what HT was gave me weird looks. I gave them the middle finger. “Well I have to talk to you about some fings. When do you want to due it?”
“Ho about now?” she asked.
“OK.” I said.
“OK class fucking dismissed every1.” Proffesor Trevolry said and she let every1 go. “Except for you Britney.” she pointed at Britney and sum other preps. “Please do exorcize (geddit [uh, no]) 1 on page 3.”
“OK I’m having lotz of visions.” I said in a worried voice. I’m so worried is Draco gong 2 die.
Well she gave me a black cryptal ball to lock in. I looked at it.
“What do you c?” she asked.
“I said I see a black gothic skull and a pentagram.” [you see a black skull in a black crystal ball? ^.-]
Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I looked at it. It was Draco. He was looking really sexy wearing a black leather facet, a black gothic Linkin Park t-shirt and blak Congress shoes.
“Okay you can go now, see ya cunt.” said Proffesor Sinister. [if that’s how her favorite teacher calls her, I can’t imagine what the others… Oh wait, the others are ‘pedos’… Okay, carry on]
“Bye bitch.” I said waving.
I went to Draco and Vampire was sitting next to him. We both followed Draco together and I was so exhibited.
AN: stop flaming ok if u dnot den il tel Justin 2 bet u up [oh, so he does get mentioned again]!1111 n il tel al da nredz 2 put vrtuz in ur computer!11111111111 FUK UU!1 raven fangz for de help!1
I was so excited. I fellowed Draco wandering if we where going 2 do it again. [seriously, seconds ago you were worried he might die… Stop thinking with your girl boner, Eboby!] We went outside and then we went into Draco’s black ca.
“Ebony what the fuck did Profesor Trevolry say.” whispered Draco potting his gothic whit hand with bvlak nail polish on mine.
“She said she would tell me what the visions meant torromow.” I grumbled in a sexy voice. He took out a heroin cabaret and spiked it, and gave it to me to spork. [I’m utterly confused by this sentence, I swear to God. I think she’s trying to describe them doing heroin, but… These words don’t go together in any coherent way. Just say ‘we did some heroin’, Tara! Why are you writing in crazy instead of English? WHY?] He started to fly the car into a tree [Please crash and die… Please crash and die… Please…]. We went to the top of it. Draco put on some MCR. [*sigh* damn it]
“And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me.” [fuck you, I like that song!] sang Gerard’s sexy voice. We started tiling of each other’s cloves fevently. He took of my blak thong and my black leather bar. I took of his black boxers. Then……………………… he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily. [She’s trying to say they got naked and fucked. I speak crazy now apparently. *rubs temples*]
“OMFG Draco Draco!” I screamed having an orgism. We stated frenching passively. Suddenly………… I fell asleep. [wow, Draco’s passive frenching skills must be really poor] I started having a dream. In it a black guy was shooting two goffik men with long black hair.
“No! Please don’t fucking kill us!1” they pleaded but he just kept shooting them. He ran away in a red car.
“No! Oh my fucking god!11” I shouted in a scared voice.
“Ebony what’s wrong?” Draco asked me as I woke up opening my icy blue eyes.
I started to cry and tears of blood went down my face. I told Draco to call Vampire. He did it with his blak Likin Park mobile. Butt the worst thing was who the ppl who were shot in the dream where……………………… Lucian and Serious!111 [So… You reduced the most evil, powerful, wizard of all times to cartoon villain levels of uselessness and then… Random drive by shooting is the actual conflict here. Really? REALLY?]
I really can’t stay mad at this fic, it’s just such a wonderful disaster all things considered, but not looking at it for weeks and then going back into it like this, well… It was a bit of shock and it certainly did a number on my brain cells. Can’t begin to imagine what going back to Christian Potter will do to my sanity. @.@