My Immortal Chapters 29-31 (With Commentary)

[Chapters: 1-3, 4-6, 7-9, 10-12, 13-15, 16-18, 19-22, 23-25, 26-28, 29-31, 32-34, 35-37, 38-4142-44]

My head already hurts so might as well. *sigh*

Let’s go.

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Chapter 29.

AN: sot das fok up!11 ur jus jelouz koz ur prepz so fok u!1111 raven u rok gurl fangz 4 da help MCR ROX 666!111111111111 [I won’t even bother with this at this point]

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“Oh my satan!1” we screamed as we jamped out of da coffin. Snap and Professor McGoonagle started to shoot at us angrily. [if you all recal (or probably don’t cause I sure as hell didn’t until I went back to read it)… They got caught fucking…. AGAIN]

“CUM NOW!1!” Preacher McGongel yielded. [Here’s a line I wish I never hear out of Maggie Smith ^.-] We did guiltily. We left the room putting on our clothes. Snoop garbed the caramel and put it in his pocket.

“Hey what the fuck!111” Vampire shooted angrily.

“Yeah buster what the fuck are u going to do with the fucking camera?” Draco demonded all protective, looking at me Longley with his gothic red eyes. “Look, Dumblehor [okay that sounds kinda like Dumblewho… Y’know what, let’s not go there] noes your little secret and if u do dis again, then u will go to St Mango’s. So give back da camera!1111”

Hahahaha the Mystery of Mogic thinks he is crazy there is no way dey wil believe him. Snoop laughed meanly.

“Yes so shut your mputh you inlosent fools!” yelled Proffesor McGoggle. She made us cum [stop spelling it like thaaat… For my sanity, Tara!] into a weird room with white stones all around it. There were all these werid tools in it. Draco started to cry all sexy and sexitive (geddit koz hes a sexbom lol tom felnot rulez 4 lif but nut as muxh as gerard ur sex on legz I luv u u fokeng rok mary me!111). [Gerard Way is not reading this, and if he was he would be getting ALL the restraining orders]


I started to cry tearz of blood (it hapnz in vrampir kroniklz raven sed so ok so fok u!1). Vampire took out a black honkerchief [I laughed out loud at this word and I’m not exactly sure why] and started to wipe my red eyes.

And then……………….. he and Snoop both took out guns using magic. [Oh God… Okay… They used magic to conjure guns? They used magic… to conjure… GUNS? I… I… WHYYYY] They started to shoot each other angrily. Non of the ballots gut on eachodder yet. [and they can’t even fucking shoot! GAAAH] I took out my wand.

“Crosio!” I shouted. Snap stated 2 scram he dropd da gun. But it was too late. Both of them had run out of ballets. I STOPPED DA CURSE. [WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING?] Profesor McGoogle did a spell so that we were all chained up. She took out a box of tools. Den she said “OK Serverus I’m going 2 go now.” She left. Snap started to laugh evilly. Vampire started to cry. [Seriously, an S&M dungeon Maggie Smith is not something I wish to see ever]

“It’s ok Enoby.” said Draco. “Evergreen will be all right. Remember the cideo u took of Snake.”

Snape laughed again. And then…he took out some whips!1!1111 [You know, I’ve decided not to waste my whip jokes on this]

We’re too fancy for that

Chapter 30.

AN: stop flaming da story ok u dnot no wutz even gona happen ok!1111 so FUL U!111 if u flam u wil be a prep so al flamerz kan kiss muh ass!111 soz 4 soz 4 sayin alzhimers is dongerous but datz da mysteries opinin koz sosiety basically sux. fangz 2 raven u rok bich!111

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“No!11” we screamed sadly. Snap stated loafing meanly. He took out a kamera anvilly. Then…………………… he came tords Darko!1! He took sum stones out of his poket. He put da stones around Draco and nit a candle.

“What the fuck r u doing!” I shooted arngrily. Snoop laughed meanly. He polled down his pants. I gasped- there was a Dork Mark on his you-know-wut!11!

[Okay, I need to stop now. I need to stop. I’d forgotten about this. Oh, God… Oh God, I’m laughing too hard to breathe… HA… Hahaha… OMG… This… Is… Priceless. Okay, so let me quote the Harry Potter Wiki a moment… “Lord Voldemort placed the Dark Mark brand on his followers’ inner left forearms both as a sign of their loyalty to him and as a method of summoning them to him when he desired. This was done by pressing his wand to any Death Eater’s Mark, which turns it jet black and delivers a burning sensation to any person with the Dark Mark. Feeling the burn, the Death Eaters then Apparate to Voldemort’s side“. Now boys, imagine THAT on your you-know-wut… That has to be horrible. Just… Horrible… I mean… LMAO…]

He waved his wand and a nife came. He gave da knife 2 me.

“U must stab Vrompire.” [why? Why does SHE have to to do that? You do it] he said to me. “If u don’t then I’ll rap Draco!1” [Stab Vrompire, rap Draco, do whatever you want, Snap… THEY ARE ALL IN CHAINS!!!]

“No you fucking bastrad!1” I yielded.

But den Draco looked at me sadly with his evil goffik red eyes dat looked so depressant and sexy. He lookd exactly like a pentragram (lol geddit koz im a satanist) between Kurt Cobain and Gerard. But then I looked at Vampire and he looked so smexy too wif his goffik black hair. I thought of da time when we screwed and the time I did it with Draco and Dumblydore came and the tame where Draco almost commited suicide and Vampire wuz so sportive. [ah, the good times!]

Snipe laughed angrily. He started to prey to Volxemort. He started to do an incapacitation dancing around the stokes whipping Draco and Vampire. [omg, LOL] Suddenly an idea I had. [Yoda? ^.-] I clozd my eyes and using my vampire powers I sent a telepathetic massage to Drako and Vampire so they would destruct Snape. [Do you mean distract? Distract him more than dancing and whipping? I mean, if I was dancing and whipping (with my pants around my ankles no less), I’d be pretty distracted by that]

“Dumbeldork will get u!” Draco shooted.

“Yah just wait ubtil da Mystery find out!11” Vampire yelled. Meanwhile I took out my wand. [if you could take your wand out, even though you’re in chains… why didn’t you do that SOONER?]

“You ridiculus dondderhed!111” Snoop yielded. He took off all of Drico’s clothes. Just as he was about to rape him……………………. 

“Crosio!” I shited pointing my wound [it’s that what the spell was supposed to do? Because… yikes]. Snoop scremed and started running around da room screming [I would too if someone shited and pointed their wound at me]. Meanwhile I grabed my blak mobile and sent a txt 2 Serious. I stopped doing crucio. [okay, seriously, weren’t you in chains? Also why do you always stop torturing the people who want to kill you, self-proclaimed sadist?]

“You dunderhed!111 Im going to kill-” shooted Snape but suddenly Serverus came. [Are they not the same person anymore? I… What… I’m confused!]

Snake put the whip behind his bak. “Oh hello Sev I wuz just teaching them sumthing.” he lied. But suddenly Lusian and Profesor Trevolry came in2 da room and they and Serious unlocked the chains and put dem around Snap. Then Profesor Trevolry said ‘Come on Ebony let’s go.” [Whaaaat?]

Chapter 31.

AN: I sed shut da fok up u quiephs!111 stop kalin ebony a mary su ok u dnot even no wutz gong 2 happen ok so fuk u!1111 fangz 2 muh bff raven 4 di help!1111

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“I always knew u were on Voldemort’s side, you sun of a bitca (bufy rox!111 [that was a pun? Does it make sense? I… Didn’t really watch Buffy much >.>]).” Serious said 2 Snape.

“No I’m not I was teaching them somefing!1” Snap clamed. [You have a dork mark on your you-know-wut, mister… I don’t think they’re gonna buy that excuse]

“Oh fucking yeah?” I took some blak Volremortserum out of my poket and gave it to Serverus. [seriously, who is this supposed to be!?] He made Snap dirnk it. He did arngrily. Then Luscious took out a tape recorder and started playing it while he did curses on Snap. Then Proffesor Sinister and Lucian made us get out wif them while Snape told his secretes. Lucian took Vampure and Draco to the nurse after thanking me a millon times. [For what?] Profesor Trevolry took me to a dark room. Now I wuz going to go back in time to sedouce Volxemort. Moving posters of MCR and Nrivana were all over. Hermoine, Darkness and Willow came too. B’loody Mary gave me a blak bag from Tom Rid’s store.

“Whatz in da bag?” I asked Profesor Trevolry.

“U will c.” she said. I opened thee bag. In it was a sexy tite low-smut [I somehow doubt that] black leather gothic dress. It had red korset stuff and there was a silt up da leg. I put it on. My frendz helped me put on blak fishnetz and blak pointy boots Willow had chosen. Willow and Darkness helped me put on black eyeliner and blod-red lipshtick. [Nothing like giving your friend a makeover and sending her to seduce the evilest bastard who ever lived… Girl time!]

“You look fucking kawaii, bitch.” B’loody Mary said.

“Fangs.” I said.

“Ok now you’re going to go back in tim.” said Proffesor Sinister. “U will have to do it in a few sessionz.” She gave me a blak gun. I put it in a strap on my fishnetz like in Redisnet Evill. Then she gave me a black time-tuner. “After an hour use da time torner to go back here.” Proffesor Trevolry said. Then she and B’loody Mary put a Pensive in front of me. Every1 went in front of it. [Why do you need a Pensieve and a time turner and… you can’t actually go back in time with a Pens… *sigh* I forgot I need to stop trying to bring logic into this… never mind]

“Good luk!1” Everryone shooted. Darkess and Willow gave me deth’s touch sin. Then……….. I jumped sexily in2 da Pensive.

Suddenly I was in fornt of teh School. In front of me wuz one of da sexiest goth guyz I had ever seen. He was wering long blak hair, kinda like Mikey Way only black. He had gren eyes like Billie Joe Amstrung and pale whit skin. He wuz wearing a blak ripped up suit wif Vans. It was…………………….Tom Bombodil!1111 [Yes, ladies and gentlemen… She actually wrote that. Exactly that. I did not edit this in anyway… It’s happening]

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The first of many ‘cameos’ folks. I’m not kidding. It gets weirder.

B.B

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