The Purge (a non-review, featuring Luckas)

I’m rewatching The Purge; because it’s on and I have about 30min until something I actually want to see starts… and well… While I don’t believe this movie to be worthy of a review, I do want to talk about some things. And to help me do that, since the movie is mostly about one of his favorite activities, I’ve summoned Luckas.

“Why did I agree to this?”

Because I bribed you with cake.

“Fine… What do I need to do?”

I just need the opinion of a violent murderer on some of the scenarios in this movie. Just answer some questions for me and you’ll get your cake.

“Seems simple enough. Okay.”

Alright, first of all… You’re a violent criminal, right?

“Uhm… Yes.”

How long have you been killing people?

“On purpose? I was seven or eight the first time, so I guess twelve, thirteen years.”

Alright, now… If it was established that during one particular day every year it was not only perfectly legal to do whatever the fuck you want, legal or illegal, but it was also socially acceptable… Would you agree to kill ONLY on that day and not in any other day?

“Uh… No. I’m a violent criminal. I have no regards for society or law enforcement whatsoever and I’ve gotten away with murder a ton of times before. So why would I agree to follow some ridiculous honor system when I have absolutely nothing to gain for it? I mean, if anything something like that would only encourage law abiding citizens to commit crimes they would never commit if the system never existed.”

That’s a great point, Lukey; thank you. Next question: Let’s say that such a day existed and on that day you’re locked up in your home and say, Lady is there, Annie and Miss Lily. Someone manages to sneak in seeking shelter, but uh-oh; they’re being hunted by a group! So this group says that you can either hand the stranger over to be killed by them; in which case they’ll leave, or you can protect him running the risk that they’ll invade and kill everyone. Do you turn the stranger over?

“I’d kill the stranger AND the idiots outside. There’s no law that says I can’t, there is absolutely no guarantee that they’ll leave if I do what they want, and I’m not going to take any chances with a kid in the house.”

Well done.

Now, let’s say you are the one outside hunting down some random person you want to kill and this person seeks shelter in a house with a man, his wife, and his two children. The house is locked up tight, you can break in, but it’ll take some time. You have only 24 hours to make a kill. Do you waste time reasoning with these people who don’t want to hand over your prey, meanwhile prancing around where they can see you to look more scary while waiting to break down their door, oooor… Do you go find someone else to kill?

“Are you fucking kidding me with that question? Why would I waste my time over some random stranger, and why the heck would I waste it prancing? If there’s one thing the world doesn’t lack is potential murder victims! I could spit from any roof top and hit a worthy prey. What kind of moron would think acting this way is actually worth it?”

Well, whoever wrote this piece of shit movie, for starters.

And that is the problem with The Purge. The scenario they’re trying to create would never work in a million years because for starters ‘pent up aggression’ is in fact NOT the cause for most violent crimes. A lot of serial killers actually have no fucking clue why they do what they do. And a guy like that is not going to accept killing just one day in the year when he can easily just do it any day like before. They’d just be breaking the law; exactly like they were doing before. It makes no difference to them.

Apart from that, if a scenario like that was possible, risking the life of your family over some stranger is NOT a real dilemma! You have a gun, shoot the fucker and then shoot the fuckers trying to kill him. They’re not going to hesitate in hurting you and you can’t trust them to just take that one guy and leave when there’s nothing stopping them from killing everyone either way.

And the threat they set is NOT threatening. It’s a bunch of prep schoolers wearing masks and dancing in front of security cameras! That’s the least threatening shit I’ve ever seen in movie history! And I’ve watched a movie about giant killer bunnies! Yeah, bunnies are scarier than those kids!

Oh, one last question Lukey… If someone enters your house in that particular day and threatens your people, but you subdue them… Do you let them live?

“Uh… Helloooo… Have we met?”

Yeah, I know the question is ridiculous, just give me a yes or no for the record.

“Of course not!”

Not even if they’re someone you’ve known and has been friends with for years?

*rubs temples* “This better be the best cake in the world… You’re asking me if I would show mercy on someone I’ve known and actually considered a friend for years  who invaded my place of residence and attempted to kill three of the most important people in my life?”

Yes.

“Let’s say that I’d probably let them live for a long while, but it wouldn’t be in any way a merciful act.”

That’s what I thought. Thanks Lukey, you’ve been great. Let me just end this here post and we can go get you some cake. ^.^

What else can I say? It’s just dumb. All of it is absolutely dumb. If anything the leader of the preppies is kinda funny in how ridiculously polite he is in asking the family to hand over the guy he wants to kill and how nonchalant he is in shooting his own buddy in the head for being, well… not so polite. He’s actually a bit like Luckas, if Luckas was a complete failure in being a threat.

“Don’t compare me to that nuisance. I resent that.”

Heh, sorry, Lukey.

B.B

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