Okay, boys and girls…. My Immortal time!
We left off right were Enoby ran into Tom Bombodil or however she spelled it, aaaaand…. GO
AN: I sed stup fflaming I no his nam iznt tom bodil [oh Tara *shakes head* should’ve just stuck with it… Seriously, the way this story is going I doubt it would matter] dat wuz a mistak!1111 if u dnot lik de story den u kan go skrew urself!11111 U SUK!111111
“Hi.” I said flirtily. “Im Enoby Way da new student.” I shok my pale handz wif their blak noil polish wif him. [Wow, we started this chapter off with nonsense sentences already)
“Da name’s Tom.” he said. “But u kan call me Satan. Datz ma middle nam”
We shok hands. “Well come on we have 2 go upstairs.” Satan said. I followed him. “Hey Satan……..do u happen to be a fan of Gren Day?” (sinz mcr and evinezenz dont exist yet den) I asked. [when Green Day is the oldest band someone can think of, you know you’re in for a great time traveling adventure. =_=]
“Oh my fuking god, how did u know?” Satan gasped. “actually I like gc a lot too.”(geddit coz gc did that song I just wanna live that’s ounded really 80s [uh, no?])
“omg me too!” I replied happily.
“guess what they have a concert in hogsment.” satan whispered.
“hogsment?” I asked.
“yeah that’s what they used to call it in these time before it became Hogsmeade in 2000.” [pretty sure she just made this shit up while trying to remember how to spell ‘hogsmeade’… And let’s not get into the fact ‘Satan’ clearly knows she’s from the future somehow; we’d be at it all day] he told me all sekrtivly. “and theres a really cool shop called Hot-“
‘topic!” I finshed, happy again.
He froned confusedly. “noo its called Hot Ishoo.” He smiled skrtvli again. “then in 1998 dey changd it to hot topic.” he moaned. [I…uh… he moaned? ^.-]
“ohh.” now everything was making sense for me [and no one else]. “so is dumblydor your princepill?” I shouted.
“uh-huh.” he looked at his black nails. “im in slitherin’”
“OMfG SHME TOO!” I SHRIEDKED. [YOU’RE WAY TOO EXCITED, EBOBY]
“u go to this skull?”(geddit cos im goffik) he asked.
“yah that’s why im here im NEW.” I SMELLED HAPPili. [SERIOUSLY YOU NEED TO CHILL]
Suddenly dumblydore flew in on his broomstuck and started shredding at us angrily. “NO TALKING IN THE HALLS!” he had short blonde hair and was wearing a polo shirt from Amrikan ogle outfters. “STUPID GOFFS!”
satan rolled his eyes. “his so mean to us goffs and punks just becose we’re in slytherine and we’re not preps.”
I turned around angrily. “actually I fink mebe its becos ur da barke lord.” [seriously, Enoby? You’re here to stop this guy from becoming the ‘barke lord’, so you might want to NOT CALL HIM THAT!]
“wtf?” he asked angrily.
“oh nuffin.” I said sweetly. [and that works… Someone remind me why we’re afraid of this guy again?]
then suddenlyn………………. the floor opened. “OMFG NO I SCEAMED AS I FEEL DOWN. everyone looked At ME weirdly.” [they’re looking at you weirdly because you were just narrating your own life for no reason I said while giving this fic my best dude-ur-so-retarded look for its failure at using simple quotation marks]
“hey where r u goin?” satan asked as I fell. [is he even going to remember this next time she sees him? Of cooourse not.]
I got out of the hole n it was bak in the pensive in professor trevolry’s classroom. dumblydum wuz dere. “dumblydore I think I just met u.” I said.
“oh yeah I rememba that.” dumblydor said, trying to be all goffik. [I’d try to question the logic, but no… fuck that… I’m keeping what’s left of my sanity]
sinister came in. “hey dis is my classroom wait wtf enoby what da hell r u doing?”
:”um.” I looked at her.
“oh yeaH I forgot bout that.” [seriously… you’re expecting us to think it’s strange she doesn’t remember wtf just happened? I this fic? Oh, Tara… *shakes head*]
“wth how?” I screamed forgetting she was a teacher for a second. but shes a goff so its ok.
professor sinster looked sad. “um I was drinking voldemortserum.” [yeeeah, anyone want to speculate on what the ‘voldemortserum’ is made of? Because I’m not touching that one] she started to cry black tears of depression. dumblydum didn’t know about them.
“hey r u crying tears of blood?” he asked curiously, tuching a tear.
“fuck off!” we both said and dumblydum took his hand away.
professor sinster started crying again in her chair, sobbing limpid tears. “omfg enoby…I think im addicted to Voldemortserum.” [oh noes that’s such a serious issue guys omg]
AN: SEE U FOKKING PREPZ GO FOK URSELXXZ DATZ SERUS ISSUZ 2O GO 2 HELL!1111112 [lol, called it]
AN: I sed shut up itz nut my folt ok if u don’t lik da story den ur a prep so fuk u flamerz!1111 ps im nut updating ubtil u giv me fiv god reviewz nd diz tim I men it!111111 U SUK!1111 fangz raven 4 di help il promiz to help u wif ur story lolz1
“Oh my fuking god!1” I shooted sadly. “Shud we get u 2 St Manga’s, bitch?” [you’re seriously trying to make us care about this ‘side plot’ here, Tara? Really? I mean, I was half expecting it to never be mentioned again at this point]
“Hel no!” she said. “Lizzen Egogy, I need ur help. Nex tim u go bak in tim, do u fink u kod ask Tom Andorson 4 sum help?”
“Sure I said sadly. I went outside the door. Draco was there!111 He wuz wearing a big blak GC tshit which wuz his panamas. [Draco is outside a classroom in his ‘panamas’? Sure, why the hell not… Carry on…]
“Hey Sexxy.” I said. [“because discovering my favorite teacher’s deadly addiction to ‘Voldermot juice’ totally puts me in a sexy mood”]
“How’d it go Enoby?” he asked in his voice was so sexy and low kinda like Gerard Way when hes talking.
“Fine.” I reponded. We stared 2 go bak in2 da dorm.
“How far did u go wif Satan?” Drako asked jealously. [he knows his girl, gotta give him that]
“Not 2 far, lol.” I borked. [“Bork: obstruct (someone, especially a candidate for public office) through systematic defamation or vilification”… Uh… The plot thickens, I guess? ^.-]
“Will you hav to do it with him?” Draco asked angstily. [no, she doesn’t have to, but… if he knows any song lyrics we know she’ll have no choice]
“I hop not 2 far!111” I shouted angrily. Den I felt bad 4 shooting at him. I said sorry. We frenched. [“how dare you think I might fuck the guy I was sent into the past to seduce and immediately flirted with within seconds of meeting!?”]
“What happened 2 Snipe?” I growled.
“U will see.” Draco giggled mistressly. He opened a door……………Snap nd Lumpkin werz there!11 Serious waz pokering dem by staging dem wif a blak nife.
“NOOOO PLZ!1111” Lumpkin bagged as Serious started 2 suk his blood. I laffed statistically. I tok some photons of him and Snap bing torqued. (ok I no dis iz men but fink abot it ppl dey r pedoz nd Snap trid 2 rap dem and neway sadiztz rok haz any1 seen shrak atak 3 lolz). [okay, this was actually painful to read… It literally hurt my eyes… She’s not even trying anymore at this point, I swear. *sigh* If you guys didn’t get that; ‘Serious’ is torturing ‘Snipe’ and ‘Lumpkin’, and that’s okay because they’re ‘pedos’ and stuff. Moving on…] We took sum of Snipe’s blod den Drako and I went bak 2 our roomz. We sat on my goffik blak coffin. My cloves were kinda drity so I pot on a blak leather outfit fingie kinda like da 1 Suelene haz in Undreworld. (if u haven’t herd of it den FUK U!111) . I put on some blak platform high heelz. Darko put on ‘desolition liverz’ by MCR. Den………………………………………….we storted 2 take of eachotherz clozez. [you got dressed, just so you could get undressed again, right after? You GOT DRESS-…. *sigh* moving on] I tok of his shit nd he had a six-pak, lolz. We started 2 mak out lik in Da Grudge. He pot his wetnes [his wetness? I… Uh… Never mind. o.O] in my u-know-what sexily. I gut an orgy.
“Oh Draco!111111!1 Oh mi fuking gud Draco!1111” I screemed passively as he got an eructation. [I’d think he would have gotten one of those a bit… sooner… That tends to make things easier…]
“I luv u TaEbory.” [Your self-insert is showing Tara] he whispred sexily and den we fel aspleep lol.
AN: SHOT DA FOK UP PREPZ!1111 hav u even red de story!11 u r proly al just prepz nd posrs so FUK U!111 fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1
I wook up in da coffin de next day. Draco waz gone. I got up and put on a blak tight sexah drsss that was all ripped at da end. There wuz red korset stuff going up da fornt and da bak and it came up 2 my knees. There wuz a slit in da dress lik in mr & mr simth. I pot on ripped blak fishnets and blak stilton bo-ots. Suddenly…………………. Sorious cocked on da door. [that’s an interesting knocking method] I hopened it.
“Hi Ibony.” he said. “Gezz wut u have 2 cum 2 Profesor Sinistor’s office.”
“Ok.” I said in a deprezzd voice. I had wanted to fuk Draco or maybe lessen to MCR or Evonezcence. I came anyway.
“So what the fuck happened 2 Snipe and Loopin?” I asked Sorious flirtily.
“I fucking tortured them.” he answered in a statistic way. “They r in Abkhazian now, lol.”
I laughed evilly.
“Where r Draco and Vampira?” I muttered.
“Dey are xcused form skool 2day.” Sodomize [no, just no… There’s no way that wasn’t on purpose… No way] moaned sexily. “Rite now they are watching Da Nigtmare b4 Xmas.”
We went into da office. Proffesor Sinister was there. She was wearing a goffik blak dress that was all ripped all over it kinda lik da one Amy Lee wears in this pic
( http/ [url fail] She wuz drinking some Volximortserum.
She took out da Pensiv and the time-torner. [WHY DOES SHE NEED THE FUCKING TIME TURN-…. *breathes* Moving on….]
“Enoby, you will have to do anozzer session now. Also I need u to get me da cure 4 being adikited.” she said sadly. “Good luck. Fangz!” [“Eboby… go back and use your attractiveness to cure the lord of everything that’s evil from becoming the lord of everything that’s evil… also fix my own fuck ups while you’re at it. kthanxbye.” – Teacher of the year folks!]
And then……….I jumped into the Prinsive again. Suddenly I looked around……………I was in da Grate Hall eating Count Chorcula. It was mourning. I was sitting next to Satan.
On a table was a tall gottik man wif long blak hair, pail skin and blue eyes wering a suit and blak Cronvrese shoes. He looked just like Charlyn Manson. I noticed……he was drinking a portent.
“Whose he!11” I asked.
“Oh, datz Profesor Slutborn.” [His mom most have been an interesting lady. ^.-] Satan said. “He’s da Portents teacher…………..Ebony?”
“Yah?” I asked.
“Did u know dat Marylin Mason is playing in Hogsemade tonight? And they r showing The Exercise at da movies b4 dat.” [So we’re really not mentioning the fact she just fell into some random hole last time you saw her OR the fact she just randomly appeared next to you eating cereal right now? Oookaaay then.]
“Well……want 2 go 2 da contort and da movie wif me?” [Oh, gee, wonder what she’ll say… the suspense is killing me! Oh, no. =_=]
I’m going to need a bucket of Tylenol before I do Christian Potter. Ugh.