Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles Chapter 10 (With Commentary)

[Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9]

Chapter 10. Four more to go. With a little bit of luck I might actually survive this.

*sigh* It’s worth mentioning that I’ve recently started rereading this series in English (I’ve previously only read them in Portuguese), so yeah… I’m going to be extra ragey today! =_=

Let’s get on with it. *groan*


Chapter 10: Dangerous Days Are Here!

Author’s Note: Hello, friends! Sorry this chapter took so long to post; but-the instructor of my new writing class was kind enough to proof-read it-I didn’t take all of his suggestions, but I liked most of them-and I hope the wait was worth it! Oh, another thing-a few good-intentioned (but misguided!) readers have expressed “concern” about my asking my husband’s permission to take a class. Friends: it is not long ago that I would have thought the same thing. Culture told me that wifely submission was demeaning; and I believed it! All I will say is this: read Created To Be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl. Life- (and marriage ;)) changer! [Wow, just… just… WOW]

Hagrid lived in lovely little house on the edge of the Hogwarts campus. The little ones arrived right on time, and the delicious smell of tea and cookies was wafting outside. Smiling in anticipation, they knocked on the door.

Hagrid opened the door and beamed down at them. “Welcome, Harry! I’m so glad you could come—and you brought friends!”

“Indeed I did,” Harry said, and gestured to the upstanding young fellow to his left. “This is Dean Thomas, a Gryffindor Hat.” [Why Dean Thomas? Why? The only interesting thing we know about him in the first book is that he likes soccer! I mean, really… You moved Ron to Slytherin to make DEAN THOMAS the other Gryffindor lead? Fuck this nonsense!]

“Pleased to meet you,” Dean Thomas said intelligently.

Hagrid smiled at the little one, impressed.

“This is Hermione, another Gryffindor Hat,” Harry said, motioning toward the girl to his right. [If Hermione is… ugh… *sigh* Dumbledore’s daughter… How does Hagrid not already know her?]

Hermione smiled shyly and waved. Charmed, Hagrid waved back.

“And this is Ronald,” Harry said. [seriously, Harry? You’re an asshole]

Ronald looked up sheepishly from where he stood behind the trio. He could sense that Hagrid was truly a man of the Lord, in a way that no one in his family—or perhaps the entire Slytherin Hat—was. To be in the presence of such piety was humbling for a little one such as this. [Okay, again; no. Just no. No one is so goddamn perfect to make someone immediately question their family’s religious integrity. Just. NO.]

Hagrid noticed the green and black hat, but didn’t comment. Instead, with true mercy [Mercy on what? Fuck you!] and compassion, he opened the door wide to all of them. “Glad to meet all of you. Please, come in!”

The four little ones filed in.

The inside of Hagrid’s house was tastefully decorated. The curtains were plaid, the walls were wood, and a bear rug covered the floor in front of the fireplace. Mounted above the mantelpiece, in a place of pride for all to see, was a moose’s head. The oaken table in the center of the kitchen was set for five, and the kettle on the stove was just starting to sing.

“This is a nice place you have,” Harry commented.

“It really is,” Dean Thomas said intelligently. [I’m assuming that getting rid of these fucking adverbs was one of the suggestions you didn’t take, otherwise I’m calling bullshit on the whole proofreading thing]

Hagrid grinned with pride. “Thank you! I live by John 15:19 [I scrolled down to read this and I have no fucking clue what this is supposed to mean ^.-], of course, but I do try to keep it tidy.”

Harry, Dean Thomas, and Hermione nodded knowingly.

In a few minutes, they were all seated at the table while Hagrid passed out his famous chocolate-chip cookies. They munched on the delicious morsels as Hagrid poured the tea.

“How’s school going?” Hagrid asked.

“Quite well,” Harry replied.

Just then, the timer buzzed.

“More cookies!” the little ones cried in delight as Hagrid got up to get them.

While Hagrid was getting the cookies, Harry’s eyes fell on a newspaper Hagrid had left open. The headline on the front page read, “VOLDEMORT SPOTTED AT HOGWARTS?”

“Would you look at that,” Dean Thomas murmured observantly [Stop it, stop it, stop it! Adding adverbs to your character’s every action doesn’t immediately grant them those qualities! FUCK!], picking up the paper and scanning it. As he read, he whispered the article’s terrible words: “Voldemort was spotted by several students yesterday at Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles. This is the man who is trying to put a bill through congress to stop Christians from practicing their beliefs. If passed, homeschooling will be illegal. Christians will be put in jail—maybe even killed—unless they say the Bible says what Voldemort wants it to say. Saying “Merry Christmas!” or hanging up the Ten Commandments will put you in a “re-education program”.”

When Dean Thomas was finished, Hermione burst into tears. [*bangs head on desk* NO. JUST NO.] Harry gave her hair an innocent, friendly pat.

“How could anyone be so angry at God?” Hermione sobbed. [FUCK YOU]

“I don’t know,” Harry declared tentatively. “He’s a horrible person.”

Dean Thomas nodded sagely [No you’re fucking pushing it!] and muttered to himself in disgust, “First they try to change the Pledge of Allegiance. Now they don’t want us to be Christians. Next they’ll be killing us all. It’s a bad time to be a true Christian in America.”

Ronald sat in guilty silence as he watched his new friends fearing for the future. He was beginning to wonder just what sort of Hat it was that he had chosen. [Ron has no reason to be guilty! He’s done absolutely nothing! GOD DAMN IT! Fuck you! I’d hope Voldemort killed everyone in this fic, but I doubt that’s gonna happen. Nothing good is ever going to happen in this fic!]

John 15:19 – If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.


Four more chapters. I haven’t read ahead, but I’ve been told that at some point near the end this is going to start to be more blunt in its trolling, because when this came out a lot of people thought it was for real. I found articles from major news sites portraying this as being a real thing some lady wrote for her kids and I suppose the author had some troubles because of it or something. So yeah, I’m not expecting anything satisfying from the end of this fic. I’ll just be happy if the ‘stupid stuff’ in the end is at least less painful than everything else has been so far. :/



3 thoughts on “Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles Chapter 10 (With Commentary)

  1. Pingback: Hogwarts School of Prayer And Miracles Chapter 11 (With Commentary) | Blackbird's Nest

  2. Pingback: Hogwarts School of Prayer And Miracles Chapter 12 (With Commentary) | Blackbird's Nest

  3. Pingback: Hogwarts School Of Prayer And Miracles Chapters 13-14 (With Commentary) | Blackbird's Nest

Let's Chat!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s