This is going to sound extremely cruel at first, but bear with me for a bit and I’ll explain… I unwatched this kid on deviant art because he didn’t kill himself.
No, that’s not something I phrased in the worst possible way. In a nutshell, that’s what happened. Now, let me explain.
You guys know about my issues with suicide and suicide talk. I know I’ve never actually given an opinion other than ‘it affects me and I’d rather not go into it’, and that’s unlikely to change. I’ve tried, but every time I start writing a post on the matter it ends up an unfinished draft to be deleted weeks later. It’s just how it is.
The situation here was that this kid; he’s 13 or so his profile says, posted a lengthy ‘suicide note’ on his page last night. I looked at it and I immediately knew he wasn’t for real. It said all the things a suicidal person would say… Literally. It said all the things a suicidal person would say and I just wasn’t buying it. The thing is all his online friends seemed to buy it and they were FREAKING OUT. Based on their reactions I figured they’re not that much older than this kid was and I watched that posting for like an hour and the hundreds of replies of ‘don’t do it’ and ‘I love you’ and it pissed me off more and more. Because I knew this kid wasn’t for real and I knew it was a cry for attention and here’s the thing; suicide is a selfish act but it’s not, in my opinion, nowhere near as selfish as this sort of thing.
I made a bet with myself that when I came back this morning there’d be a message from him saying that he’d been to the hospital but he was okay… And when I logged in today; there it was.
It’s a shame, I liked this kid’s art; that’s why I watched to begin with, but I’ve had more than enough manipulative crap in my life to want to put up with it online, or even less support someone who does it in any way.
If I was going to kill myself, something I will never do under any circumstance excluding a zombie bite or excruciatingly painful terminal illness, I would NEVER say so here or to anyone I care about online. Because why? There’s no point other than making everyone who ever gave two shits about me and what I do feel like complete and utter crap. In a scenario where Wifey and Doomed had no other means to get ahold of me than the internet (Doom doesn’t, but Wifey does have my phone number and address), any lie I could think up would be preferable than hitting them with that sort of news.
I’m not hating on this kid. He’s young and stupid and much older and wiser people have acted much worse on the internet. I just… Don’t want anything to do with him after this. I already feel like a crap of a human being for thinking that, to be brutally honest, I would have a lot more respect for him if he had actually done it.