This is going to start really getting weird now, so I suggest you have aspirin handy while reading. Trust me.
Last chapter ended in the oh so suspenseful cliffhanger of “will Eboby go to the contort?” *gasp!*
Let’s see, shall we?
Chapter 35. gost of u
AN: fangz 2 suzi 4 da idea!1 u rok! fuk of prepz!11111111 fangz 2 raven 4 di help u rok gurl!1 ps im gong 2 end da stroy rlly sun so FUK U!111 oh yah nd if u no eny gofik namz plz tel me koz I ned 1 4 serius!1 fangz. [only four words correct in this whole mess. And no, I’m not counting ‘raven’ and ‘suzi’ as correct because they should be capitalized >.>]
I went in2 da Conmen Room finking of Satan. Suddenly I gasped………………..Draco wuz there!111 [Hmph, but is she going to the contort or not!? Damn it Tara, I need to know! @.@]
I grasped. [what, pray tell, did you grasp, Enoby? ^.-] He locked as hut as eva werring blak ledder pants, a blak Lonken Prak t-shrit and blak eyeliner.
“Draco what da fuk r u dong!111111” I gosped. [he’s doing nothing, you crazy bitch!]
“Huh?” he asked. Then I remembred. It wuzn’t Draco. It was Lucan!1 He stil had two arms. [First of all, she was swooning over her boyfriend’s dad; iiiw. Second, he still had two arms!? When the hell did he lose an arm!? Stop acting like we were supposed to know these things Tara!!!]
“Oh hi Lucian!1” I sed. “Im Ebony the new student lol we shook handz.” [Stop narrating your own life, Enoby, that’s fucking weird even for you!]
“Yah Satan told me abot you.” Lusian said. He pinted to a groop of sexxxy gottik guyz. They where siting in a corner kutting. It wuz Serious, Vampire’s dad and………………Snap!
All of them were wearing blak eyeliner and blak Good Chralootte band shirts. “Lizzen I’m in a goth band wif those guys.” he said. “Were playing 2nite at da Marylin Mason show as back-up.
“ORLY.” I ESKED.
“Yeah.” he said. “Were calld XBlakXTearX. I play teh gutter. Spartacus [that’s… awfully Roman] plays da drums” he said ponting to him. “Snap plays the boss [ha!]. And Jamez plays the guitar to even fo we call him Samaro, after Samara in da ring.” [you know, that movie that doesn’t exist yet]
[yes, I’ve been watching this guy a lot lately; sue me]
“Hey bastards.” I told them they gave me Dethz tuch sin. Suddenly I gasped again. “But don’t u have a lead singer!” I asked. [No. No you didn’t. That was not, in any way shape or form, a question] Lucian looked dawn sadly.
“We uzd to but she did. She contempted suicide by silting her rists.” [that’s a weird way to contempt suicide, but do go on, this is ever so fascinating, I have no idea where it’s going…]
“Oh my fuking god!11 Datz so fuking sad!1” I gasped. [I know! omg]
“Its okay but we need a new led snigger.” Samaro said.
“Wel………..I said Im in a bnad myself.” [Noooo…. You think she’s gonna join them? *hold her breath*]
“Rilly?” asked Snap. I cudnt belive it. He used 2 b goffik!111
“Yeah were called Blody Gothik Rose 666. Do u wanna hr me sing?”
Yeah said everyone. So the guys tok out der guitarz. They began to pay a song bi (geddit koz bi guyz r sooo sexah!11) Gurn Day.
“I wok dis empt stret on da bolevrad of broken dremz.” [fuck you, I like that song!] I sang sexily (I dnot own da lyrikz 2 dat song [yeah, these lyrikz belong to Gurn Day]).. Every1 gasped.
“Enopby? Will u join da band? Plz!1” begged Lucian, Samoro, Serious and Snap.
“Um…….ok.” I shrugged. “Are we gong to play tonight?” [omg, she’s joining them! What an unexpected turn of even-… Oh fuck it we all fucking knew this was going to happen ages ago. NEXT SCENE!]
“Yah.” they said.
“Ok.” I said but I new dat I had 2 get a new outfit. I walked outside wondering how I kud go forward in time. [Why can’t you shop for clothes in the past, you nitwit?] Suddenly someone jumped in fornt of me. It wuz…..Morty Mcfli!1
[I… I… I don’t know how to express my state of mind right now. Words cannot express the level of hysterical, insane, manic, laughter that just came out of me right now. I swear to all the Gods, I knew this was coming, but it still affected me in such a way… I… I need to lie down]
He was wering a blak bnad tshrit and blak bagy jeans.
“What da hell r u dong here!11” I asked. [Yes, we’d all like to know that, please!]
“I wil help u go frowad in tim Enoby.” he said siriusly Den……….he took out a blak tim machine. I went in2 it and……………………..sudenly I wuz forward in tim!111 [So she’s never going to use that Time-Turner, huh? lol… Ah, you stupid, stupid, fic… lmao… *sigh*]
AN: I sed stop flaming ok!111111111 I bet u r al proly old srevinty yr oldz!111 ps PORTERSUZ UR A PREP!1 o ya nd fangz 2 raven 4 di help!111 hav fun in englond gurl!11111 [seven correct words this time! Including two “Is” and one “A” >.>]
I loked around in a depresed way. Suddenly I saw Profesor Sinister. B’lody Mary, Socrates [going Greek this time, I see] and Draco, Vampire and Willow were their to.
“OMFG Sorius I saw u nd Samaro and Snip nd everyone!11111 I kant beleev Snap uzd 2 b goffik!111111”
“Yah I no.” Serious said sadly.
“Oh hey there bitch.” Profesor Trevolry said in an emo voice dirnking some Volxemortserom.
Hi fuker.” I said. “Lizzen, Satan asked me out to a gottik cornet and a movie so I need a sexah new outfit for da date. Also I’m playng in a gothic band so I need an ootfit for that too.”
“Oh my satan!1” (geddit lolz koz shes gofik) gasped B’lody Mary. “Want 2 go to Hot Topik to shop 4 ur outfit?” [Nooo…. COME ON! You can’t go from Morty Mcfli to clothes shopping! We want more stupid nonsense, Tara, don’t let us down now!]
“OMFS, letz have a groop kutting session!11” said Profesor Trevolry. [I’m sure if she wasn’t fired for her Voldemort juice addiction, encouraging her students to cut themselves won’t be an issue]
“I can’t fucking wait 4 dat but we need 2 get sum stuff first.” said Willow.
“Yah we need sum portions for Profesor Trevolry so she wont be adikted 2 Volxemortserum anymore [wait, wasn’t Tom Anderson suppose to help you with that? Do you mean you could have just fixed her addiction AT ANY FUCKING MOMENT!?] nd also………….sum luv potion 4 Enoby.” Darko said resultantly.
“Well we have potions klass now.” Willow said so let’s go.
We went sexily to Potionz class. But Snap wasn’t there. Instead there was…………………………………………Cornelio Fuck!11111
“Hey where the fuck is Dumblydore!111” Draco shouted angrily. [why would he be in ‘portions klass’, Darko? ^.-]
“STFU!1” shooted Cornelia Fuck [ROFLMAO… ehem… sorry]. “He is in Azkhabian now wif Snip and Loopin he is old and week he has kancer [wasn’t it Alzheimers? And how did you spell Alzheimer corrently and not CANCER!?]. “Now do ur work!111”
My friendz and I talked arngrily.
“Can you BELEVE Snap used to be gottik!1” Vampire asked surprisedly.
“DATZ IT!11” CORNELIO FUK SHOOTED ARNGRILY. “IM GETTING PROFESOR BRIDGE!111” [Haahahahahahahahaha…. Ha…Ha…*has small coughing fit* PROFESSOR WHAT!?]
He stomped out angrily.
Mi frendz and I began talking again. I began to drink some blod mixed wif beer. Suddenly I saw Hargrid in da cupboard. [that must be a fucking huge cupboard]
“WTF is he doing?” I asked. Then I looked at Draco. He wuz wearing tonz of eyeliner nd he locked shexier den eva. Suddenly……………“HARGRIF WUT DA FOK R U DOING!11” he shooted.
I looked around…………….Hairgrid wuz putting sumfing in my glass of blod!11 Darko and Vampire started 2 beat him up sexily.
“God u r such a posr!1” I shooted at Hairgrid. Suddenly I looked ar what he was putting in da blood. It was………………Amnesia Portion!111 [Can I have some please? I’m still not over Morty Mcfli]
AN: OK EVRYBODY IM GONG ON VOCATION ON DA FRIST OF JULY SO IM EEDER GONNA END DA FIK OR UPDAT IT IN WEEX. fangz!1 oh yah nd prepz stop flaming sa story!11 raven fangz 4 da help c ya gurl afta vocation!11
DARKO’S PONT OF VIEW LOL [WHYYYY]
Vampire and I chaind Hairgrid 2 da floor.
“Oh mi fucking satan!11” Enoby said. She wuz so hot. “Maybe I cud uze Amnesia potion 2 make Satan foll in love wif me faster!1” [Nooo, that’s not what amnesia is you stupid, stupid, STUPID, bitch]
“But u r so sexy and wonderful aneway Tata,” [the fuck did he just call her?] said Vampire. “Why would u need it?”
“To make everyfing go faster lol.” said Enoby. [It’s not what it does!]
“But you wont have to do it wif him or anyfing, will u?” I asked jelosly.
“OMFG u guyz r so scary!11” said Britney, a fucking prep. [Hey, Britney! We missed you!]
“Shut the fuk up!1” said Willow.
“Ok well anyway lets go 2 Profesor Trevolry’s room.”
Draco, Ebory and I [and who the fuck are you then?] went to Profesor Siniater’s room. But Profesor Sinister wasn’t there. Instead Tom Rid was.
Oh hi fuckers he said. Lizzen, I got u sum kewl new clovez.
I took out da cloves from da bag. It was a goffik blak leather miniskirt that said ‘666’ on da bak, black stilton bootz, blood red fishnetz and a blak corset. [back to Eboby, I guess. And it’s all kinds of terrifying that at this point I can actually tell it’s her]
“OMG fangz!” I said hugging him in a gothic way. I took da clothes in da bag.
“OK Profesor Sinister isnt hr what the fuk should we do?” asked Draco. Suddenly he loked at a sign on da blak wall.
“Oh my fuking satan!1” I screamed as I read it. On it said Evry1 Profesor Sinister is away. She is too gottik she is in Azkhabian now. Classes shal be taught by Dubledork who is bak but he shall not be principal 4 now. Sincerely Profesor Rumbridge. [That makes…. no… fucking… SENSE!!!!]
“OMFG!111” I shoted arngrily. “How could they do that!11”
Suddenly Dumblydore came.
“WHAT DA HELL R U DONG IN MY OFICE!1” he began to shoot angrily. Sudwenly I saw Morty Mcfly’s blak tim machine!111 I jumped seductivly in2 it leaving Draco and Vampire. [No one else noticed a fucking Delorean in the room? Also, wow, you’re the worst fucking girlfriend/friend/fuckbuddy ever] Sudenly I wuz back in tim!11 I looked around. It was……………Profesor Slutborn’s efface! I sneaked around. Suddenly I saw da Amnesia potion on his desk. [convenient!] It wuz blak wif blood-red pentagramz in it. It was the shape of a cross. I put it in my poket. Suddenly da door opened it wuz……..Profesor Slutgorn!11
OMG wut r u doing fuker he shooted angrily I don’t kno wut da fuk r u DOING I SHOUTED ANGRILY. [I DUNNO WUT DA FUK ANYONE IS DOING!]
“Oh sorry I wuz just looking around koz I thought it wuz class.” you said finally hoping he couldn’t c da potion in ur pocket. [WTF!? No! You keep me the fuck out of this, Tara! Just… NO! Fuck no!]
“Oh ok u can go now.” said Profesor Slutborn.
You [I said fucking stop it! >.<] went to the conmen room after putting on my clothes. Silas, Samaro and Snap were there practicing Vampirez will Never Hurt U by MCR.
“Oh hi you guys.” I said seductively. “Wheres Satan?”
“Oh he’s cumming.” [TMI, guys] said Serious. “BTW u can kall me Hades now.”
Suddenly Satan came. He was wearing a smexxy blak leather Jackson [nope, not doing a MJ joke… I refuse], blak congres shoes, a Slipnot t-shirt and a blak tie.
“Ok I will see you guyz at da concert.” I said and then I went with Satan.
Jeeeeeeeeeesus, this one was painful. Holy hell.
I actually had to stop after the Morty Mcfli bit and take a breather. That was yesterday. I swear, I knew it was there, but I just couldn’t get over it… *snort* And I know it gets worse from here too.
We have seven more chapters to go, including the ‘hacker chapter’, so… Almost done. o.O
I’m going to watch Fantasia tomorrow and choose my Halloween review for Disney revisited so I’ll get to rest a little bit before going back to Christian Potter. Thank the Twins. *rubs temples*