What The Hell Have I Done?

I know I’m always awfully vague when I decide to talk about the novel, but try to see it my way; this shit is so confusing in my head most of the time that my only options when talking about it are a) being horribly vague and b) writing out miles’ long explanations, realizing they make no sense, and crying over the keyboard. So, yeah, vagueness it is.

In the vaguest, most non-maddening, way I can put it… The story has always revolved around this group of people and focused on them handling this out of control situation that started centuries before they were even born.

Despite them getting involved in something that inevitably affects the lives of others as well as reality as they’ve known it all their lives, I never lingered on that too much. I don’t like that whole ‘you have to save the world’ shtick and I didn’t want that to take away from everything these guys actually have to suffer throughout the story. The focus was supposed to be on them. The ramifications of their actions and how they affect Stonewall as a whole were going to be an afterthought. That’s one of the major reasons I’ve insisted on writing this in first person despite finding it 200x more difficult than third; I wanted to keep the point of view as close to the characters as possible and away from the greater scheme of things.

However… While writing some of the mythology stuff more recently the bigger picture started to form in my head, despite not wanting to look at it quite yet. I looked at what I wrote and realized that I’ve been unwittingly setting up some weird and dark outcomes with a few of the things I’ve established as real in this Universe. I think I might have doomed humanity or some shit… I’m not sure how I feel about that. I never saw this book series as something dark and grim, even though there sure as hell have been moments… I mean, how this first book is wrapped up turns out to be one of the most depressing moments in any writing I’ve ever done. EVER. Thinking about it physically hurts. The end of the first book is not the end of the story though. I was expecting some ray of hope by the end, even if just implied. Now I’m not sure anymore.

Gladly I have some non-personal writing to occupy me this week. Yay for writing commissions. They keep me sane. >.>



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