Music Covers That Should NOT Exist

A little while back, Wifey showed me Disturbed’s cover of The Sound of Silence, by Simon and Garfunkel and; while I loved it, the original is still my favorite. The two versions just give me entirely different sets of emotions, which thinking about it, is great, but makes a comparison extremely difficult. So I’m not gonna say the original is better, I’m just gonna it’s my favorite.

While re-watching that video; here it is by the way:

I went into thoughts of what covers I believe to be better than the original and which should never be done.

For instance, I believed; strongly, I might add, that Bohemian Rhapsody was a song that should never be covered. EVER. That it was just blasphemous to mess with perfection.

Then I saw this the other day and holy shit:

Is it better than Freddy Mercury? No. But this was, honest to God, so good it made me cry a little bit. So it’s safe to say my preconceptions are changing, yes?

And I have to say, I’m not a huge fan of Panic! At The Disco; or their stupid exclamation point, but Brendon Urie can really fucking sing. And I love that guy.

Buuut… We’re not here to talk about stuff I like, are we? No, we’re here to talk about the stuff that makes me cringe. Because that’s what you all like, right? For me to suffer a little? Pffft, I know you do. However I’ll do another post for covers I think are actually better than the original at a later time.

1) Britney Spears – I Love Rock n’ Roll

AAARGH. Look, this is not gonna be the worse thing on this list (in my opinion), but I’d feel like I’m neglecting this topic if I didn’t bring it up. Everyone thinks of this when you talk about horrible covers. There isn’t ONE thing redeemable about this. The words “I love rock and roll” sound filthy out of this girl’s mouth. And not in a good way! Whose fucking insane idea was this!? Because I’d very much like to set their pants on fire.

The original, for those of you with absolutely no knowledge of rock and roll history, is by a band called Arrows and was released in 1975. It was later made popular by Joan Jett and The Blackhearts in 1982; and I’m assuming that’s the version Britney here attempted to copy.

And if you don’t know who Joan Jett is; gtfo prep shame on you, get your ass over to YouTube and listen to her everything right now. Start with this one.

Done? Okay, well this is the original version of I Love Rock ‘N’ Roll, by the Arrows:

While Joan’s version is my favorite, this one is pretty effing awesome! And it kind of makes me feel bad that Joan’s version is so much more popular. And that this song is so damn catchy despite basically talking about preying on a teenage girl/boy. o.O

Fuck it, I’ll sing along. >.>

2) Paula Toller – Patience

ZzZzZzZ… *snort* Ugh sorry, fell asleep a bit. >.>

Paula Toller is a Brazilian singer; lead singer of a band called Kid Abelha, that I’m pretty sure is no more. And she’s got a lovely voice. In fact I love a lot of her songs, BUT, she seems on the verge of snoozing throughout this entire song. Oh, I’m sorry Paula, are you bored by the iconic Rock ballad you’re destroying with your off-puttingly emotionless singing!? ^.-

Don’t get me started on the music itself. The guitars on the song are AMAZING. And where the fuck are they? WHERE ARE THEY, PAULA?

Ehem… Sorry. 

The original, as you may or not know, is by Guns N’ Roses, back when that name still stood for something great in the music world. It was written by guitarist Izzy Stradlin and released in 1989, months before I was born. 🙂

*sigh* I love this song. It’s sooo good.

Moving on!

3) Macy Gray – Walk This Way

No, I’m not kidding. I wish I was kidding. Oh God, how I wish this was a joke.

This is painful to listen to. Physically and mentally painful. Why? Why is this allowed to exist? Someone tell me… WHY? O_O

Okay, well, I don’t even need to research this one, lol. Walk This Way was originally written by Aerosmith and released on their third Album, Toys In The Attic; which I own, and later rereleased as a cover, by the Hip-Hop group Run-D.M.C in 1986 with the participation of Steven Tyler and Joe Perry. Thus opening the gateways for many Rock/Hip-Hop collaborations to come. Both versions of the song are fucking amazing in my opinion, but this is the original:

I don’t even have to explain why this is so much better, do I? 

4) Eminem – Sing For The Moment (cover of Dream On… Sorta)

I hate this song. And, y’know, I don’t think I would as much if it didn’t destroy one of my all time favorites. Dream On is… It’s Aerosmith’s Bohemian Rhapsody basically. When this song came out I was still very much an Aerosmith fan, and I remember hearing it for the first time and that being the moment when I thought “yep, we had a good run, but… It’s time I start seeing other bands”.

The original… Dream On is an amazing song. It’s powerful, emotional, and it personally speaks to me for several different reasons I’m just not gonna go into. Let’s just say that I was horrified to see it playing as, pretty much, a background track for Eminem’s ranting.

Oh yeah, Dream On was written by Steven Tyler and released on Aerosmith’s first album in 1973. I don’t know how that album was not a hit just because of this song, but unfortunately it wasn’t and Dream On didn’t become popular until 1976.

People commenting on YT that this is a ripoff of Eminem’s song genuinely depresses me.

As if anything this great could ever come out of Eminem. >.<

05) Madonna – American Pie

Again, another one that I couldn’t possibly leave out. I always hated this, but honestly I never understood why it pissed people off so much. Then my brother showed me the original song. And OH. MY. GOD. I’m listening to this now and 1 minute in, I’m in pain.

The original American Pie, by Don Maclean is over 8 minutes long and I listened to in full, hit repeat and then listened to it again. It doesn’t feel all that long. And holy crap, Madonna, why do you hate us!? And Rupert Everett… I’m disappointed in you! >.<

According to Wikipedia, Rupert Everett convinced Madonna to cover this song to promote their stupid movie they were doing. Granted… I doubt Rupert had much blame in her butchering the song.

The original song was written by Don McLean and released in 1971. And it’s a incredibly catchy song as opposed to whatever the fuck Madonna did.

And to think Madonna almost made me hate this. Pfft.

06) Britney Spears (yeah, again!) – (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction

Uuungh, Britney… Have you learned NOTHING?

Honest to God, I don’t know why this is one of the Stones’ most popular songs, I honestly never liked it much, buuut… It’s not BAD. It’s just not even in my top 20 Rolling Stones songs. I nothing it. *shrug*

Britney’s version however, is so unbelievably terrible, it makes me appreciate every the Stones did in that song. It’s just… WHY DOES THIS EXIST? IT SHOULDN’T EXIST!!!

The original version of this song was written by Mick Jagger and Keith Richards and released in 1965. It’s okay. Loads better than Britney’s version, but otherwise okay.

Yep, it’s officially an okay song by my standards. 😛

7) Aerosmith – I’m Down

Aw, guys… What happened? You did so well with Helter Skelter and Come Together. This… It’s just not good, guys. Aaaw… Just… No. -.-

Aerosmith is a great band. Or they were at the point Permanent Vacation was released, but The Beatles are better and this version of I’m Down is just not good AT ALL. Like I said, they pretty well covering Beatles before, but this song just doesn’t go well with Steven’s vocals in my opinion. And it makes me cringe so much. Just… Noo.

The original was written by John Lennon and Paul McCartney and released in 1965

And it’s a freaking awesome song.

8) Alien Ant Farm – Smooth Criminal

UUUUUUGH.

I never thought I’d want to hurt someone this bad over a music track in my life. And you all know how I feel about Justin Bieber. =_=

There’s nothing smooth about this piece of shit song. It should, however, be considered a fucking crime. GAH, just DIE.

*sigh*

Usually this is where I calm down and give a more level headed assessment, but no… I. HATE. THIS!

The original was written by Michael Jackson, as you all must know, and released in October 1988. It’s one of my favorite MJ songs and I could literally listen to it all day; and I have.

There’s a lengthier version of this video, much worth checking out, but I already posted it on my favorite Michael Jackson videos list. So go check that out if you want.

This is just about all I can take of bad cover songs today so… I’ll get on that list of covers better than the original whenever I feel like it. 😛

B.B

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4 thoughts on “Music Covers That Should NOT Exist

  1. For the most part, I agree with you… Though I am a heathen and actually enjoyed the Alien Ant Farm version of Smooth Criminal. You may commence throwing stones.

    But one that you missed – that perhaps requires my steeping in hair metal to really get angry about, I guess – Is Avril Lavigne raping Metallica’s “Fuel.” It burns.

    Liked by 1 person

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