Look guys… Life sucks now. Not just for me but for plenty of people around me. And I feel like shit because I feel I can’t help myself and I know that I can’t help them; as in I can’t magically fix any problems and I just wish that I could. Life is shit. I’ve been feeling that my life has gone to shit for the past month or so. That I’m mentally and emotionally going to shit.
I’m just not in a good place. No.
I go on YouTube and the first thing I see is this video saying “How to stay positive” and I just look at the thumbnail with the pretty smiley YouTuber whose vlogs I’ve been obsessed with lately and I just go “Fuck you”. Because right now I can’t. I can’t stay positive. I can’t. I can be positive for like a moment, but then it goes away.
In moments like these I hate when people tell me to be positive or look at the bright side of things. I know they mean well, I do, but it puts pressure on me to show them I’m better so they’ll leave me alone. And that’s not healthy. Also; don’t tell someone to cheer up or be happy… Try to make them happy somehow instead. Try to make them smile just a little… It’s a bit more work, but it’s a lot less of a burden you’re placing on someone who’s clearly not in a good state of mind.
What brought me here, after trying so very hard to not whine and moan at you guys again is that… I’m reminded of my grandma. We didn’t get along all that great and we didn’t see eye to eye on many things, thus I have never once confided in her.HOWEVER… She was the most intuitive person I’ve ever known. I didn’t have to confide in her because we’d be on the phone doing the mandatory ‘call your grandparents’ thing and she’d just randomly say something to me if I wasn’t well.And in one of those phone calls she said to me “Listen… If you’re not happy right now, that’s okay. So long as you don’t give up the thought of being happy tomorrow.”
That’s something I’ve needed to tell myself often in my life. That I’m not weak, that I’m not pathetic, that I’m not doing anything wrong, by breaking down a little bit. That it’s just something I need to do right now. I’ll be happy in my own time once I’m done with it.
Stay positive guys! Or don’t. 🙂