My Immortal Vs. Hogwarts School of Prayer And Miracles

Okay, remember when I said I might be dying at the end of my Christian Potter commentary? I didn’t really have a brain tumor, but my stomach started to hurt really bad after I turned off the computer. I couldn’t get to sleep until it was about 8am. My doctor said that my stomach problems are mostly being caused by stress, so I’m gonna go ahead and say Christian Potter is entirely to blame for that bit of agony.

If you’re reading this and not familiar with the pieces of fan fiction about to be mentioned, well, walk away. I can’t possibly ask that you read them. If you’re like me and curiosity compels you, though, you can check out my commentary posts here: Christian Potter, My Immortal.

If you are familiar with these and I’m to blame for that; I am so very sorry. :/

 

Now I just want to address one more thing here quickly before I get on topic. Someone said to me some time ago that neither of these is the worst and said I should read Hogwarts Exposed. I googled that fic, read a couple chapters, and gave it up. Not because it was so bad it hurt, but because I was honestly pretty bored. I’d explain why, but that fic really has no place in this post. Maybe one day I’ll finish it. Or even commentate on it, but as is I still stand by my opinion that it’s nowhere near as bad as these two.

With that out of the way… I’m going to go about this as objectively as I can seeing as I went into this whole endeavor already loving My Immortal for its stupidity.

It’s quite obvious by now that I think School of Prayer and Miracles is the worst fic. And I’m sure no one reading this actually likes it (I have faith in you guys!), but some of you might dislike My Immortal more and be wondering “how can you think that? At least it’s readable! And it wasn’t meant to be taken seriously!” 

Does it matter how it was meant to be taken? No one knows (to date) if My Immortal was intentionally horrible or if it was an honest attempt by a really messed up kid. No one knows because it really doesn’t matter. If it wasn’t intentional it’s hilariously terrible, if it was intentional it’s hilariously terrible AND brilliant.

With Christian Potter… If it wasn’t a troll it’d be horribly misguided and offensive, but seeing as it is, it’s actually just intentionally offensive. In my opinion, there is one basic rule for a writer to follow in life; don’t insult your readers. Ever. That fic is offensive to all religious groups, atheists, Harry Potter fans, and honestly, it personally offends me as a writer as well.

That’s why I always cringe when people tell me I should write humor just because I am a bit of a goof. It’s not that simple. There’s a ridiculously thin line between offensive humor and just being offensive, there’s a ridiculously thin line between humorous social commentary and just outright pointing your fingers at everyone like you’re the only one who’s seeing it. There is an EXTREMELY thin line between achieving humor by exaggeration and just slapping stereotypes into your story; and here I don’t just mean the characters, but also the Author’s Notes. Like many stereotypes out there, people like that do exist in the world. If this was supposed to be taken as a joke, then this person completely missed the part where it was supposed to be funny. Did any of you laugh at this thing? I haven’t. Maybe once or twice, I’m not gonna read back and check, but most of the time I was in pain.

Let’s assume My Immortal was intentionally written like that and it was meant to be a parody. It gives a lot more satirical commentary than Christian Potter, not only on society itself but on the fandom and the entire fanfiction writing community.

Think about what My Immortal is; it’s a pre-teen girl’s idea of what it means to be ‘cool’, it’s a thirteen-year-old girl’s idea of romance and sex, it’s every self-insert romance fic ever written, from the point of view of a child. Take out all of the sexual references in that fic and it reads like something my seven-year-old niece would come up with. Granted the kid’s a bit of a sadist (have I ever told you guys about the french fry incident? Remind me to tell you later), but she still sees the world with an entirely innocent mind. As any child should.

The way My Immortal reads is how a child would interpret things such as sex, violence, suicide and rape. She knows which of it is bad and which of it is good, but doesn’t understand the implications of anything, because to her those are just words she’s heard adults say. If you look closely into My Immortal with the preconception that everything written in that insane ramble of a fic was intentional, and it becomes a pretty effective social commentary on kids trying to write mature themes into their stuff without having any actual understanding of what they’re writing. Just look at any sex scene in that thing and it’s the writing equivalent of a little kid mashing a Barbie doll and a G.I Joe together to ‘make babies’. Or several G.I Joes and a Barbie doll, but you get the point.

If it’s not intentional… Well, I still made that argument and that means I thought about it… From reading My Immortal. Yeah. My Immortal made me think about all that.

School of Prayer and Miracles didn’t make me think or laugh or anything other than just rage at it non-stop. I could barely even commentate on it, I was so angry. It’s not that it’s offensive, it’s that… That’s ALL it was. It was preachy self-righteous bullshit non-stop as though it was serious; even if over the top, and then in the last chapter it just went “nope, kidding!”, that’s not funny. I was told by the person who recommended this to me that it became clear it was a troll because “the author just goes ‘fuck it’ in the end”, and I was waiting for a punchline, I was waiting for a meteor to hit and kill everyone, I was waiting for God Himself to show up and destroy the school or something, anything.

Any other idea of ‘fuck it’ would have been better than Voldemort being an author self-insert coming to explain how everyone who believed this was real was an ignorant twat. You think that it being a troll pissed me off? No, I knew that from the get-go, I mentioned that repeatedly, what pissed me off was Vold-insert acting like it was ignorance to think anyone would write misguided shit like that. That it was perpetuating stereotypes to think that. No. I had a guy in my class in high school who genuinely believed Harry Potter was inspired by Satan. He wasn’t trolling me, he genuinely thought that. He also wouldn’t eat Hellmann’s mayonnaise because it had ‘hell’ in the name. Seriously. I’m not making that up. So, why wouldn’t I believe someone would write this? It’s the same kind of closed-minded thinking and I know it exists.

If your writing can’t get your point across, don’t blame the readers for it, you idiot.

I could still go on for miles on theories about how My Immortal could be secretly brilliant and sooner or later (probably later), I’m going to read it again. Christian Potter, though, I am 1000% done with that fic. I just want to wipe it from my memory entirely if I can. So to me, it’s pretty clear that School of Prayer and Miracles is far worse. I could enjoy My Immortal, I could enjoy this…

…And I couldn’t draw ANY enjoyment from that piece of writing AT ALL.

Seeing as I’m me, I say that takes a special kind of bad. Don’t you guys agree? >.>

B.B

P.S: I want Dastan and Luckas to sing this if the Shadows Series ever makes that musical episode.

“Don’t be stupid, I’m a horrible singer.”

That’s beside the point, Lukey. Do you think that was good singing?

“I’m game!” *tries to dance away with Luckas*

*dodges Dastan and runs away* “I’m not nearly drunk enough for this, Handsome.”

“I can fix that!” *gives chase*

*rubs temples* What have I started? =.=

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