I feel bad.
I had a falling out with a friend some months ago, I don’t want to get into details, but we had words, and in the end, he said he didn’t want to talk anymore. We haven’t talked or texted/chatted/emailed/anything since.
Last week, after word got to him (through Facebook I imagine) that my grandpa had died, he texted me offering condolences and asking if I was okay. I just answered with “I’m fine”, and sort of just shot him down. He hasn’t responded since.
I didn’t have it in my head to say anything else and I was honestly a bit angry that after all this time this was how he chose to reach out. I imagine he was going through things at the time we stopped talking, but since he refused to open up and on top of it lashed out at me pretty bad when I tried to reach out, I decided there was nothing I could do about it. And that maybe I didn’t want to either, after some of the stuff he said. I can easily forgive people saying mean things out of frustration or in the moment, but this wasn’t like that; these were personal, borderline cruel, things. Things only a close friend could possibly hurt you with.
Needless to say, I’m still angry. I haven’t forgiven any of it yet. And I think that’s why I feel so bad. This wasn’t someone I ever expected to want to cut out of my life. It’s not a nice feeling at all. And now I keep thinking to myself that as much as I want to forgive, if what was said back then was even remotely close to his true opinion of me, then why does he even want any part of my life ? Why would I ever want him to still be a part of my life?
Suppose I’m still not in a good enough place to think about this. And seeing as I already blew him off it might not even matter at this point, but… I needed to vent I guess. Sue me. >.>
Actually, don’t sue me, I’m fucking broke.