The They/He Issue…

I didn’t want to have to make this post. And unfortunately I am making it; here and in my deviant art, so basically in all my social media accounts. I’m not going to elaborate on why I’m making this post, I just want this to be posted for future reference.

Portuguese, as with Spanish, and I assume many other languages out there, does not have gender neutral pronouns. So in my native language, I naturally use ‘he’ for gender neutral things and/or people I don’t know the gender of (only met online for instance). That’s the norm in Portuguese. I didn’t make up the rules, I just live with them.

So when people are nonbinary, if their chosen pronoun is ‘they’ or if by any chance I simply forget what gender they are or identify as because we’ve only met an hour or a day ago, I may refer to them as ‘he’ because that’s the pronoun I’m used to in Portuguese and have been using MY ENTIRE LIFE.

I’m not using ‘he’ because I’m disrespecting anyone’s gender identity. I’m not using ‘he’ to offend anyone. I’m not using ‘he’ to hurt anyone. It’s just a habit I tend to fall back on.

I get that a lot of people don’t respect others’ gender identities (or even fictional characters’ gender identities for some stupid reason) a lot of the time, and I understand being upset over things like this, but honestly… I have severe social anxiety and being snapped at for something like this just makes me never want to communicate with people again ever. NEVER.

I know how stupid that may sound, but it’s true. I’m not being overdramatic, it’s seriously how it makes me feel.

Because you know what? Social anxiety is something a lot of people out there don’t respect either. It’s still something a lot of people don’t acknowledge as a real disorder.

Real or not, though, it’s how I live my everyday life. It’s how my mind works. I’m tolerant of the fact people can’t possibly know this and, even when they do, they won’t understand how extremely difficult it is to just say hi to someone when your brain has you 100% convinced that everyone; absolutely everyone, hates you by default or will automatically hate you the moment you say the wrong thing.

So, for someone like me, being judged on a word choice when I’m constantly paranoid and obsessed with every little single word I write or say; because that’s already in my nature, REALLY FUCKING HURTS.


I just wanted to leave this here, because… I think I just needed to say it. Meh.

I have some horrible fan fiction to do commentary on and I’ve already wasted too much of time with this topic. ^^;

Hope you guys are having a good Sunday.



3 thoughts on “The They/He Issue…

  1. I have an individual at work who uses “she”, and I have twice caused inadvertent blowups at work because she has come up behind me and called my name, to which I responded “Yessir?” While turning around. I have no peripheral vision, so unless they’re front and center I don’t know who’s talking and come from an abusive home with a heavy military background that insisted you call everyone “sir,” male or female, so it’s an automatic reaction… so I understand how quickly a slip of the tongue or linguistic issue can result in massive fallout when you meant nothing by it, and how goddamn miserable it can make you feel afterward when you didn’t do anything wrong and didn’t mean anything by it.
    Quite unfortunate, and I’m well aware that putting that feeling aside is nigh impossible… but still. I feel you, and it’s not your fault, problem or need to explain. :/

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s really unpleasant. And I don’t want to say people are oversensitive about it because I understand it has to hurt for them on some level, but heck other people get hurt by things too. >.>

      Thank you for the comment. ^^

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: Anti-SJW? | Blackbird's Nest

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