24 Questions Black People Have For White People (Answered)

My Australian friend sent me this after reading my Race/Ethnicity/Nationality (or whatever I titled it) post… And I decided I want to answer it. I’m a white person. I’ll answer your questions, nice black people of Buzzfeed! Let’s have a conversation.

If you don’t want to watch the video, that’s fine; I’ll be listing the questions, but… I’d watch it if I were you. This is fucking hilarious.

Why do you make such horrible decisons in horror movies?

Uh… You do realize those are… You know… Fictional characters, right? I mean, the writers are the ones making the decisions for them. The actors are just there to play the part. Is this really how you’re starting this video, BuzzFeed? For fuck’s sake, be serious.

Why do you freak out when black people are cast to play white fictional characters?

It depends on the character and how attached I am to the original concept of that character. For instance, I’m still majorly butthurt that Harry Potter has blue eyes in the movies instead of green, since it’s something considered important and constantly mentioned by the author; that he had his mother’s eyes and they were green.

If you want to cast a black man as Batman, however… I don’t care. Heck, anyone would do better than George Clooney did… I cannot stress enough how much I hate those movies.

A black Superman? Captain America? James Bond? I would love that!

What’s the big deal if Idris Elba plays James Bond?

Are you fucking kidding me, right now? Idris Elba is a fucking GOD. That’s the big deal! Is this a possibility? Holy shit, someone needs to make that happen! I love that man! Have you guys watched Luther? OMG. He’s so fucking perfect I’m dying.

Ehem. Next question. >.>

Why is a big butt and big lips considered attractive on a white woman, but they’re unattractive on a black woman?

They’re not? I personally think the opposite. Although, let me clarify that I’m not attracted to white or black women and I don’t particularly care for the size of their butts. However, I do consider bigger lips prettier on black women. Angelina Jolie, for instance… Yeah, I don’t really care for that. I think she’s beautiful nonetheless, but not like “I WISH I HAD LIPS LIKE THAT OMG” like some people. And I actually like my lips, so I’m not lip-jealous either way, but just saying.

I’m rambling a bit, because literally, all these questions are kinda dumb. :/

Do you all really think Miley is the one who created twerking?

First of all; I don’t care about Miley Cirus Cyrus (edit: ha, love how half-asleep-me misspelled the whitest and simplest fucking name of all the ones mentioned in this post) or twerking. Second, twerking is one of the most retarded things I’ve ever seen before my eyes. It doesn’t matter who does it. It’s not a dance move it’s… I don’t know wtf it is. Why are you so upset over the ‘intellectual’ rights to such an idiotic trend? Is this actually a point of pride to you? Seriously?

Why am I supposed to teach you how to twerk? I don’t know how to twerk.

Okay, so one of you is upset we assume it’s a ‘white person thing’ and now the other one is upset we assume it’s a ‘black thing’? And by ‘we’ I mean… Not me. I think twerking is retarded and it’s not something I give half a thought to at any point in my daily life.

Why do white people always act as though they “discovered” a new trend when people of color have been doing it for virtually years?

I personally don’t. I’m not a particularly ‘trendy’ person. However, if I were to venture a guess it’s because we didn’t know it existed. That’s literally what ‘discovering’ means; to become aware of something that already exists, but you didn’t know existed. It’s not the same as “inventing”. When people discover a trend, they’re not claiming they came up with it, they’re just finding out it’s a thing that exists. Was it a ‘top secret’ trend? Were we not supposed to know about it? What is the problem exactly? I don’t follow your logic.

Why is it that when a black woman wears her hair natural it’s seen as inappropriate, but when a white woman does, it’s praised?

It’s… not. Why would it be inappropriate? It’s the hair on your head, not your privates. I don’t care. Let me tell you something, though; I wear my hair natural every day. I don’t like even tying my hair unless I have to for safety or sanitary reasons (say I’m cooking or something like that). The only time anyone brings it up is to say “why don’t you ever do anything to your hair?”. That’s a long mile away from praise.

This is the hair I was born with, so you wearing it as a trend is not cute.

First of all, that’s not… A fucking… QUESTION. Second of all, I was born with… Well, I actually I was born with curly hair, but then it straightened when it got longer, but I digress; my hair is naturally straight, is what I’m saying. So is black women straightening their hair ‘as a trend’ something I should be offended by? Because I’m not. I don’t care.

Again; it’s hair. You do realize there are people dying all over the world right about now, right?

Like, could you appropriate my student loans? Can you take that off my hands?

Oh, haha, you condescending fucker. Can you give me your college degree, then? Because having one of those would solve a couple of problems for me. You self-entitled prick.

Why is it that white crime is seen as an isolated incident but black crime is a representation of my entire community?

I don’t know how to answer that. Because I’ve literally never heard that before just now.

I don’t know how that works everywhere in the world, but where I’m from we just call it ‘crime’ and it’s a serious fucking problem. Like, crime is on the fucking rise in Brazil right now. People are getting robbed and shot left and right. It’s really not cool at all. I haven’t been out at night in fucking ages.

When we see a story on TV about a white serial killer, I don’t automatically assume all white people are serial killers too.

That’s lovely. And again; not a question.

And would the reason why you said white ‘serial killer’ instead of just ‘killer’ is because of the whole “most serial killers are white males” thing? Because, while that statistic was at one point true… It’s not so much anymore and that’s due to the fact the entirety of the world has become more racially diverse and the population in the US is not so much as predominantly white as it used to be when serial killers first started to be documented and studied. Here’s some nifty statics and shit. It’s called research. It’s something writers like to do sometimes. Keeping in mind that these statistics only refer to serial killers who have been caught and documented, which… I’m sure leaves a big margin of error. Good luck sleeping at night with that in mind.

Why does talking about race make you feel so uncomfortable? Is it because you think you’ll be perceived as racist if you talk about race?

It doesn’t. I just wrote a huge ass post about race. And I’m doing it again right now.

Also, yes. Because I will. You’re literally doing it right now and we’re not even actually having a conversation.

I’m still not uncomfortable, though. Couldn’t give less of a fuck.

You don’t really believe racism is over because we have a black president, do you?

It’s not gonna be any less over with Trump if he gets elected, that’s for sure.

Also, I don’t have a black president. Actually, I’m not sure who our president is at this point since our first female president was proven to be a fucking corrupted bitch and was kicked out of office. Good luck with Hillary, btw. Wow, you guys are fucked.

Why is it so easy for you to notice when there are no white people around, but you hardly ever notice when there are no black people around?

Because my family is white and if they weren’t around I’d likely miss them. Because they’re my family and I love them. Also, no black people live with us.

I’m home. That’s what it’s like in my home. If it was any different than that I would definitely notice.

As for randomly on the street… I don’t notice anyone. I generally ignore everyone equally. Sometimes even if I know them and then say hi to me. :/

Why is your goal to be colorblind?

Because I was born with Tritanopia; aka Blue-Yellow Color Blindness. It’s not a goal, it’s a genetic trait. What are you insinuating?

There are so many different types of people in the world, yet you can’t see color?

I can see color, I just mistake certain hues for others which makes it so I often see the wrong colors. That’s what most ‘color blind’ people do. Actually not seeing color is incredibly rare in color blinds, but I guess ‘color blind’ still sounds better than ‘color confused’.

Also, I don’t see how the number of different types of people in the world affects this genetic trait I was born with and have absolutely no control over. >.>

Why do you wanna say the n-word so badly?

I don’t, but if I ever did it’d probably be simply because people keep saying I can’t. I’m a bit like a kid that way.

If I don’t use it, what makes you think you can?

can. It’s a word. I wouldn’t call someone that because I understand it’s offensive, but if I want to say it out loud right here, right now, alone in my room… I totally fucking can. How would anyone stop me?

Why do you always want to touch our hair?

Because if I think someone’s hair looks pretty I want to pet it. It’s not a race thing, it’s a personal weirdness of mine. And I don’t do it to random strangers because I’m not some stupid weirdo; I barely do it to my family or close friends, but I want to. I always want to touch people’s hair. It’s soft and it feels nice. >.>

Who told you it was okay to touch people without their permission?

No one. I just said that it’s not okay and that I don’t do it. I’m a huge fan of personal space. I don’t want you in mine as much as you don’t want me in yours; person I don’t know. o.o

Why do you feel like having one black friend makes you a cultural expert or not a racist?

*sigh* Okay, buddy… How many black friends would you be satisfied with? Is there a bare minimum to make you believe I’m not a racist?

Assuming I had a black friend; which to my knowledge I don’t at the moment (I honestly don’t know the exact race of all my internet friends tbh; and yes, they most certainly count). I had people I considered friends who were black, but like many of my former friends (some of which were not black, I’m sorry to break it to you); they aren’t still my friends today, so they no longer count.

I digress, though.

Assuming I had one single black friend right now; I don’t say that would make me a cultural expert, but I consider someone who is a friend as someone who I’m comfortable talking to without fear of judgment or reprehension, which would make me a lot more likely to want to ask questions that would allow me to get to know their cultural background better; assuming it was all that different from mine to being with. That’s what it’s like with my Australian friend, my Canadian friends (hi Doom!), my American friends (hi Wifey!); so on, so forth. I can ask them stuff without being afraid they’ll think I’m stereotyping them because they know me and understand I’m not a moron.

Also, having that black friend would not make me ‘not a racist’. Not hating people from different races would make me “not a racist”. However, I assume racist people would be less likely to genuinely be friends with someone of another race than me.

Because they hate people of different races.

And I don’t.

Is your only black friend comfortable with being the reason why you can’t be racist? 

I’m assuming you’re referring to people who say “I can’t be racist, I have a black friend”, which is not something I ever will or ever have said because that just about as racist as assuming that all white people who have a black friend only do so to prove to you that they’re not racist.

My hypothetical black friend would tell you to fuck yourself because one of my goals in life from now on is to only befriend awesome supportive people. >.>

By that logic, then I’m not racist. I have a ton of white friends.

If I was one of your white friends I’d lose your number right this fucking second. 🙂

Why do you feel comfortable cursing at your parents?

My mom curses way more than me. Cursing is something we’re not shy about in my household. Why do you care?

Why do you kiss your dogs on the mouth?

Licking around the mouth area, including inside the mouth, is something wolves do to each other in the wild as a form of greeting and rejecting that gesture is seen as incredibly disrespectful within their society. I’m not saying that justifies someone frenching their Yorkie, but that’s why dogs generally have a habit to want to lick your face and mouth.

Some people tolerate it, some don’t, and some… Get weird with it. To each their own.

Again; why do you care?

How come you can’t pronounce black names like Quvenzhané, but can say names like Schwarzenegger, Galifianakis, and Labeouf just fine?

Because it’s not literally the first time I’ve ever heard those names. Also, I actually can’t pronounce Galifianakis or Schwarzenegger and it took me forever to spell either of them right.

Why do you feel like all lions’ live matter, but black lives don’t?

That is not an actual feeling that I have. Are you referring to something specific I’m not aware of?

Why is a lion’s life in Africa more important than the lives of black people here in America? What did Simba ever do for you?

Again; that’s not a belief that I have. I also don’t feel that the life of any living creature only matters if they’ve done something for me. The majority of the world has never actually done anything for me.

I get it, Lion King was an awesome movie. But so was Selma and so was Malcom X.

This is not a question. It is also an incredibly stupid and irrelevant thing to say. Are you implying white people only care about things that appear in good movies? If we liked more movies with black people in it we’d care about you more? What kind of white friends do you have, buddy?

Why is it so hard for you to acknowledge you privilege?

I acknowledge my privilege all the time. I’m privileged to be born in a great supportive family. I’m privileged to have met some of the awesome people that I’ve met. To have had the life experiences that I’ve had; even the bad ones, because they made me who I am… I acknowledge those privileges every day. Do you acknowledge yours?

That said, you’re wearing nicer clothes than anything I’ve ever owned and you probably have a  college degree; student loans or no, so as far as opportunities go you’re a fuckton better than me. You’re even getting paid to do this while I’m up at 4am doing it for no fucking reason other than my stomach hurts and I can’t sleep.

How does it feel to not be the spokesperson for your entire race at any given time?

You do realize you’re doing that right now because you chose to do it, right? That said, I feel fine. How are you?

I still don’t have a pet monkey, by the way… but one day… one day… >.>

*chuckles* I’ll never get over that… Where do people get that from? lol

Anyway. Yeah, that was BuzzFeed’s questions for white people. And I tried my best to be humorous about it, but holy crap this was retarded. And really racist at some points. But mostly retarded. Is this what it’s like to be a white person in America? Because I, honest to God, have never seen or heard anything like it before in my white privileged existence.

Holy fuck.

My stomach does hurt and I might not sleep soon, but I’ll try, I guess. Maybe when I wake up I’ll answer some questions white people have for white people. That sounds like fun.

Thanks for that recommendation, YouTube. =.=

B.B

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One thought on “24 Questions Black People Have For White People (Answered)

  1. Pingback: 33 Questions White People Have For White People (Answered) | Blackbird's Nest

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