33 Questions White People Have For White People (Answered)

Fuck me, this is dumb. My horror movies are still downloading (yeah, yeah, piracy… I don’t care, I’m too broke to care), so might as well do this while I wait.

Before we get into this. I got a lot of videos in my recommendations now that are responses to the video in my previous post. And I gotta say I love how many people, of all races and nationalities, think that it’s fucking stupid. Because it is.

Sadly not as stupid as this. I actually haven’t watched this before starting this post, but I predict ranting. So be prepared.

Why do you assume only other races like fried chicken? I love fried chicken. It should be a white person stereotype because of me.

I just had fried chicken. For lunch. Literally just now. Wtf are you talking about?

In all seriousness. This is something I actually asked Wifey about; the fried chicken/watermelon thing. Because that’s not a racial stereotype in Brazil and it always confused the crap out of me until she explained it. And we both agreed it’s fucking dumb.

Wifey loves watermelon btw. So do I. Watermelon is fucking DELICIOUS.

Moving on.

Why do we make it so we only have pumpkin in the Fall? I wan pumpkin all the time!

I always assumed that was because… That’s… The time of year pumpkins are harvested? I mean, we don’t have a pumpkin thing like Americans do, but I always assume pumpkin flavored things were popular around Halloween/Thanksgiving because that’s the time of year there is an abundance of pumpkins. There was never a doubt in mind about it.

Apparently, that’s just something white people decided at some point, though? Okay, weird.

What else?

White can’t most white people dance?

I dunno. I’m Brazilian, I’m supposed to be dancing from birth. I guess my Whiteness overrides my nationality.

Also, watch this movie:

It’s fucking great.

Seriously, like, is it genetic or something?

Yes. I think we already established that Baryshnikov is secretly latino. He just passes as a white person.

I can dance.

Kudos for your very important contribution to this video. Also, you’re clearly not white if you are able to do that. Sorry to break it to you. You are clearly Puerto Rican.

Why do you get so annoyed when others don’t speak English?

My entire country doesn’t speak English. If that annoyed me I’d be permanently miserable.

It does annoy me when people speak French, though, because not only does it sound whiny to me, but also… Also… I CAN’T FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY’RE SAYING.

English is hard! We have silent K’s!

Okay, pumpkin boy… Keith, I think your name is… Get the fuck out. Just… Get out.

Why do we get so excited to brag on Instagram that we went to this really cool authentic cultural festival even though we went with all of our white friends?

Because going out with your friends is always a good thing and learning about different cultures is AWESOME. Should we only be allowed to learn about a different culture if we personally know people of that culture? Seriously? Because, as a writer, I think that’s a fucking ridiculous thing to say.

And the only point of social media is to brag about all matters of pointless shit, so why not Instagram this if you’re an Instagram person?

Why do white people spray tan until they turn orange?

Because some people believe that’s attractive and they want to feel more attractive.

It’s not, but whatever works for them I guess.

Can’t you just be comfortable in your own body?

No. Because literally no one is 100% comfortable with their own bodies. Not even the hottest people in the Universe think their bodies are completely flawless.

I’m just saying. It’s not tan. It’s orange.

Why are you even here? Go sit in the corner with Keith until you understand what a fucking question is.

Why do you think that since you’ve seen five seasons of The Wire you’re a cultural expert?

I’ve seen one episode of The Wire. I didn’t like it. But I guess that’s my best bet seeing as me and my white friends are no longer allowed to really cool authentic cultural festivals anymore. >.>

Why do you believe everything you see on T.V when it comes to other races?

Seeing as, according to American television, my race doesn’t actually exist in my country, I don’t think that I’d ever do that. Ever.

Why do we get upset when a T.V show becomes diverse, even though diverse only means two to three people of color?

First of all; who? Who sits at home pointing at their TV and going “fuck those people of color on my T.V show!”? I mean, I guess there must be someone, but to generalize that as something all white people do is a little bit of a stretch there.

Also, two to three people of color is not that bad, considering the main cast of a T.V show is usually like… ten people… twelve people at most. They’re not the majority of the characters; you’re right, but it’s not like they’re implying those two-to-three people of color are the only people of color within that fictional Universe, just within that group of people. And that’s two-to-three people more than the number of people of color in my high school class; which consisted of 45 white kids as opposed to other classes in that same school that had more, or at least one black student.

You see, people of color are not strategically spread out in the world in such a way as to make it so there are always at least five or more of them in any given group of people at all times.

Because if they did, that would be stupid.

Why do you automatically assume movies with white stars are more relatable than movies with people of color?

Movies with characters I can relate to are automatically more relatable than movies with characters I can’t relate to. Because of how they are written and not because of how they look.

Remember in my last post when I mentioned the show ‘Luther’? I love that show and I love that character. And I relate to him. For reasons completely unrelated to him being a black man, clearly, seeing as I am neither of those things.

People of color have had to relate to white characters throug all of cinematic history.

I see how it must be disheartening to be forced to relate to people who aren’t exactly the same as you. I’m so glad all white people are instantly relatable to me because we’re all the same. *cough*racism*coughs*

Why is Viola Davis the first black actress to win an Emmy for Best Actress?

Apparently, we as a race got together and the majority of votes decided that… eh… okay… we’d let her have it.

Oh, wait, no, sorry… Because the few people who decide that shit thought that Viola Davis is a fucking outstanding actress. WHICH SHE FUCKING IS!

Why aren’t we complaining that the Oscars and other award shows are like all white?

Get back in the fucking corner Keith! >.<

It’s just like white people congratulating other white people on being white.

Sidney Poitier, Haley Berry… Congratulations. We, the white people, have now decided that you are white.

You are no longer allowed to dance or post on Instagram about really cool authentic cultural festivals. On the plus side, you may now paint yourselves orange all you like.

I… Just… WHAT? WTF ARE YOU SAYING, MATE?

Oscars are awarded to people who excel at making movies. And while yes… There’s a far greater number of black people who’ve excelled at that than of black people who have won actual awards… The white people who won, have won because they excel at making movies. NOT FOR BEING WHITE.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Everybody should be represented.

Stay in the fucking corner Keith! *throws some fried chicken in the corner* FUCKING STAY!

Why don’t we know the difference between appropriation and appreciation

I thought wanting to attend a festival to learn about a different culture was appreciation, but apparently, that’s a fucking hate crime. So I guess I really don’t know. :/

Why can’t we figure out how to make our own pop culture, our own slang? Our own cool clothes. Instead of stealing other people’s cool clothes and then saying they’re our cool clothes.

FOR FUCK’S SAKE KEITH!

Are you saying white people have literally no contributions to pop culture or popular language AT ALL?

Where do you suppose the English language originated from?

Also, do you know how many commonly used modern expressions were not a thing before this little white British dude came along, what was his name again? FUCKING SHAKESPEARE!

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These are just a few of them!

But nooo… Oh no… We don’t know how to make our own culture. Noooo…

Fuck you, you uneducated twat.

Also, I have legally purchased every single cool clothes I own. I haven’t stolen shit.

Why are white people obsessed with Wes Anderson?

I had to Google him. He makes movies. What about him?

Why would you ever say ‘thug life’? It’s a bad life.

I wouldn’t. No one should. It’s stupid. It is a bad life.

Why do black people say it like it’s not, then? I don’t understand that.

What do you have against seasoning and spiciness? Didn’t Christopher Columbus discover America looking for spices?

I love how this guy feels he needs to give a historical justification as to why people should fucking SEASON THEIR FOOD!

Also, I guarantee you no white person ever has complained their food has too much taste.

Some people have a higher or lower tolerance to spicy things, though. And some people have no tolerance for spices such as hot peppers; it makes them sick. It’s a thing between you and your taste buds/stomach. It’ll either taste/feel pleasant to you or it won’t. It’s not a matter of personal ideology, you nimrod.

Why are casseroles our thing?

Casseroles should be more people’s thing. They’re fucking delicious.

Why do you try to avoid confrontation at all costs?

Pfffft…. FITE ME BRO.

Why is it crazy that I’m white and I have a big butt?

There are no scientific studies linking the size of one’s butt to the state of their mental health. I didn’t even look that up. I just know there aren’t.

Why do you make such a big deal when somebody doesn’t wanna hike?

I like hiking alone with my music player. No one invited you. Go away. *hiss*

Why do you keep talking about reverse racism? That is not a thing.

You”re right. It’s not. It’s just racism. No matter who’s at the receiving end of it; it’s racism.

We are the people in power.

I have zero power, except through vote. And barely.

I mean, when my world domination plans are good to go, then yeah. First thing I’ll do is make sure YOU NEVER SPEAK IN PUBLIC AGAIN, you idiot.

The second is demand all child molesters die a painful death that may or not involve red hot pokers shoved in sensitive places. >.>

Racism is about oppression. White people have not been oppressed.

You do realize that a lot of slaves in the roman empire; prior to America being a thing, were white, right? In fact, a lot of them were blonde blue eyed Nordic prisoners of war.

You do realize that every ethnical group that has immigrated into America; white Europeans included, have been discriminated against and oppressed, right?

You do realize that the dictionary’s definition of racism states:

1[mass noun] Prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one’s own race is superior.

And:

1.1 The belief that all members of each race possess characteristics, abilities, or qualities specific to that race, especially so as to distinguish it as inferior or superior to another race or races.

Meaning, saying things like “why do white people tan until they’re orange?” as if it’s something EVERY MEMBER OF THAT RACE DOES. That’s racism. The belief in itself. You don’t have to even say it, just believing it is racism. Trying to change the definition of a term to make it fit your point of view DOES NOT, in fact, make it accurate!

NEXT!

Why are you too afraid to speak up when someone says something racist?

I’ve punched people in school for saying racist things to this kid I didn’t even know. I’d do it again tomorrow if it happened in front of me. I think racist people are the scum of the Universe.

Also, you’re saying racist things. Thought you should fucking know.

Why do we think that having one friend of color means nothing we say or do could possibly ever be racist?

Why do you think that just because I’m caucasian nothing you say or do to me could ever be racist? You fucking racist.

And no; saying ‘we’ doesn’t make it less racist. Generalizing your own race is still racism, it’s just socially accepted racism. Yeah.

Why does being half white automatically make my commentary on white culture only half true? I’m just as much white as I am Mexican.

According to Keith, white people have no culture of their own so what are you bitching about? Be happy half of you is allowed to attend Mexican cultural festivals without a ‘Mexican friend’ escort; who the white half of you would probably only want to be friends with to grant you ‘racist immunity’.

Why do you believe that Black Lives Matter means that your life doesn’t matter?

Why would you assume that me saying that all lives matter doesn’t include black lives?

Every life matters. It’s just that one has a harder time living.

I refuse to believe every black person has a harder time out of life than every white person.

That is literally not a thing that is true.

Why do you get offended when you see a table full of black people, but not when you see a lunchroom full of white people?

What in the fucking… Fuck… Are you talking about?

I’ve seen countless black people in my life. Some of them together at tables. Eating food or whatever. Unless they start screaming insults at me personally, I couldn’t give less of a crap. I’d be just as awkward and uncomfortable around them as I am around everyone because I’m socially anxious. Other than that; I don’t care.

Where did this come from all of a sudden? You’re not even trying to pretend you’re not calling all white people racists anymore, are you BuzzFeed? HOLY FUCK.

Why do you ask to have a white people club?

I have never once asked that.

In Valcrest we have an unofficial Redhead Club… Although, still, Ali is actually a member and she’s blonde. So I guess it’s just a ‘badass club’. >.>

You already do. It’s the student union. It’s primarily white. They have a black student union because you don’t represent them well.

I don’t know how student unions work; that stuff is different here. Are black students not allowed in them? Because if that’s the case; that’s illegal. And if it’s not the case then why not fight so that the student union that already exists actually does its job of representing students of color as well as white students?

Why do you see the success of people of color as a threat to you?

I don’t see anyone’s success as a threat to me. Unless they’re trying to succeed at something utterly horrible *cough*Trump*cough* or they personally screw me over to do so, I always want everyone to succeed.

You know that a two-minute video about whiteness is not reverse racism right? Two minutes about whiteness, hundreds of years of systemic oppresion… Yeah, I think we can deal with this.

I hate you more than Keith.

First; yeah, it’s not reverse racism. It’s just racism. Also, don’t give me that ‘hundreds of years of oppression’ shit. Not that I don’t think it’s horrible or I want to pretend it never happened, but stop acting like every white person is PERSONALLY responsible for this shit, or that we all secretly wish slavery was still a thing! A lot of white people fought against black slavery BACK THEN, because they thought that shit was WRONG. I don’t know for sure in the US, but in Brazil they sure as fuck did.

That’s just like saying that every Jewish person; because the Holocaust happened, is allowed to yell insults at every German they see for two whole minutes. Never mind that they’re not all Nazis. Never mind how fucking hard they’ve fought to distance themselves from that shit. It happened, so unless they’re trying to deny it did, they should just fucking take whatever and pretend they like it.

And you fucking shut your mouth, Keith, I’m not fucking quoting that last part, you piss me off so much!

Fuck, damn it!

I’m gonna go watch my movies now and forget how fucking stupid people are.

See you guys in a bit.

B.B

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