I had some talks with some people yesterday; Doom and other writer friends, and today I took a day to just do absolutely nothing (allergy meds help a lot with accomplishing that; let me tell you).
Then I reread what I did for Shadows Rise so far, had a good deep think, and…
I decided that using NaNo to write this was a bad idea.
I mean, first few days I was super motivated, but shit derailed quickly. And I blamed it on the heat and on things getting in the way, but the truth is… In the past few days, I discovered that I simply hate writing with a number hanging over my head.
I’m a very competitive person when it comes to challenges; I want to win at stuff like this, and winning isn’t the goal of NaNoWriMo. The goal is to be inspired and motivated and to push yourself to accomplish more. Which I did… But mostly during October while working on the timeline. When November hit my brain flipped a switch from writer mode to gamer mode…. you know, that part of me that just wants to get all the flags in Assassin’s Creed even though they’re utterly useless? Yeah. I suddenly stopped working on a story and started working on a word count.
I spent the past ten days writing through the day (on and off depending on my schedule) then I’d call it quits between midnight and 2am and go to YouTube to clear my head. Then I’d wake up in the morning open up my text editor and just stare at it thinking “this is not me, these are not my characters, fuck my life…” and then I’d keep writing to try and push some words out. Yesterday I wrote about 100 words and then I had to stop and question why I was even doing this for.
So right now I’m gonna step back, take this weekend to do some reviews, work on some character bios, read some things… Tomorrow’s my brother’s birthday so maybe have some cake… or maybe not; he’s lactose intolerant, that’d be mean… Things that don’t involve obsessing over Shadows Rise and on Monday I’m gonna go back to working on it like I originally planned; episode by episode and chapter by chapter. I’ll explain tomorrow what I mean by that.
And, you know, I’ll try NaNo again next year, but just… With something random and non-Valcrest related that I can be sucky at and have fun with without it eating away at my sanity.
This year I need to work on this, and unfortunately the two didn’t mix all too well in my head.