Shadows Rise Updates

I’m really tired guys. -.-

Uhm, I’m going to post on Written In Shadows soon-ish (probably tomorrow) with a bit more detail of what Shadows Rise will be (for those who don’t know) and make a very spoiler-free summary of what one might expect from Episode One, but I also want to make a little post here about how it’s going because, well, it’s the main reason I’m so exhausted. I’ve been pulling a couple of all-nighters the past few nights trying to get as much of it done as possible on top of… Well… My life.

According to my outline, we’ll be looking at around fifteen chapters with varying lengths (will know for sure after I’m finished editing). I’ve written ten of those and I’ve been alternating that writing with a bit of backtracking and editing the earlier chapters. The reason I don’t just write the whole thing and THEN go back and edit is that, well, alternating between the two feels less exhausting, which actually allows me to do more. And I’ve also been reworking some of my character bios in between that because… The more I write these characters, the more changes I make to them. I think the most significant of these changes was to Gabrielle and Gerald’s clothes and equipment; so it’s not absolutely vital that I do this, but… I like it. 😛

Now, my initial deadline for this was February (this back when I was trying to do NaNo if you guys recall), but life got very distracting, health’s been a bitch and a lot of other shit, so here we are in May still working on this. Realistically, I want to get the first chapter posted before my birthday. That’s July 26th. It’s very doable. And the reason I’m estimating that late is that I want to run it by betas first. It’s not gonna be best-selling novel quality work (at least I don’t feel like it is), but it will be loads better than our original RPs quality. And that’s kind of what I’m going for with our Shadows related stuff in general. I want it to still feel like casual writing, but with a bit more quality and A LOT more coherence.

There’s lots more I want to say about this that I’m just not going to because I want to wait until after it’s posted. I mean, I could ramble for miles on just how much fun I’m having with these characters and why I’m so in love with the idea of writing this particular generation and this particular part of Valcrest history, but… I brag about my characters enough as it is. So I’m gonna cut that all short and just say I’m really happy about this.

And if you all know me… I’m not usually happy about my writing. It’s a brand new feeling. o.O

That said, I think I’m gonna try and go to sleep before morning this once. Just to recharge my batteries some. Man, I’m fucking tired. -.-


How Do I Make You Understand!?

I have social anxiety! I have social anxiety. Why is it so hard for people to fucking understand the implications!? HOW MANY WAYS ARE THERE TO EXPLAIN THIS SHIT!?

If I want to know if there’ll be someone I know at a party, because, otherwise, I’ll have no one to talk to, it’s not a matter of “Oh, there’ll be lots of people, you can just talk to them”

No. I can’t. I CAN’T. I physically CANNOT DO IT.



Sorry, guys. >.>


10 Things People Need To Understand About My Writing…

No, I’m not calling myself ‘misunderstood’. These are just things I find myself having to explain to people often. >.>

10) Everyone Fucking Dies (Eventually)

I needed to explain to a buddy of mine recently that just because I choose a death song for a character it doesn’t mean that they’ll die in the story, but, ya know… Everyone dies sooner or later and whenever that happens, that song will be the soundtrack of it.

9) A Lot Of People Die (Right Now)

I’m not shy about torturing and murdering my guys if that’s how their story ends.

8) Sometimes Death Is Preferable

Life is pain. Even more so if your creator is a goddamn sadist.

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Random Fiction – Time Heals

Indrani stood in the middle of the training arena, her figure partially slouched as she held on to her scythe for support. The lower blade of the weapon sank into the soft sand from the woman’s weight. Her bare shoulder pressed into the dull side of the upper blade as she forced herself to stand upright, marking a thin line onto the exposed skin. She closed her eyes and breathed in slowly, letting the warm desert air fill her lungs. It flowed past her lips in a shaky exhale. And it hurt. Everything still hurt. The rest of her clan had grown tired of trying to force their leader into rest, resigning themselves to keep a close watch on her instead. She did a very good job of ignoring their watchful eyes and focusing on nothing other than her breathing.

It was the middle of the afternoon, the sun was burning high and while a soft breeze was starting to lift puffs of sand from the desert ground, it was in itself warm like the air from a furnace. She could feel a thin layer of sweat between the palms of her hands and the grip of her scythe, she could feel the shooting pain trying to make its way to the forefront of her mind.

Pointless distractions.

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Hogwarts Exposed Chapter 02 (With Commentary)

[First] [Next (Coming soon!)]

Hey, guys! Been a while, I know. I had a sinus infection, was on medication for a while and now my sleep schedule is a bit fucked so I’m trying to get back into the habit of sleeping at night like a normal person. It’s being a bit tough. -.-

Looking at my stats for the past couple days, I see that someone binge read all my fan fic commentary posts and… Buddy, if you reading this: I’m really, really, sorry. I hope you’re still somewhat mentally stable. o.O

And with that said… Oh, boy. Shit is gonna get weird this chapter!

*Warning for: Nudity, inappropriateness, and just being fucking weird as hell.*

Nothing too mentally scarring yet, but I would advise not reading this where people might come up and read over your shoulder, lest you end up having to explain some shit.  😛

Seriously. >.>

Let’s get started!

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What Is life o.o

Why am I trying to describe clothes at 2 in the freaking morning? You know I can’t do that, brain, geez… What is my life right now!

Also, sorry for being away guys. I’ve been really sick the past few days. I’ll finish up some posts I have in the making at some point during the week I hope. ^^


Writing Sensitive Issues: Depression

I was talking to my buddy; the Australian, last night. And we were talking about things that we each feel are difficult to write when it comes to our characters. I ended up telling him that Shadows Rise will have me for the first time ever write a character who is genuinely depressed and has legitimately been suicidal. This is something I’ve usually steered clear from for personal reasons, but… The more I developed this character more I realized this about her. And I can’t just erase that part of her for the sake of my own comfort. This is her story too, it’s not right.

Now, I’ve been really vocal about how I don’t think you should treat characters as a set of traits and I stand behind that. I think that the right way to write characters with certain issues is to keep them in the background. You never explicitly tell your readers “this person has depression, look!”, you simply write in the signs that someone is depressed.

The character in question is the bubbliest nicest character in the Wolf Hunters. She’s not going to be blatantly sad 100% of the time. She’s not going to be crying in the corners. She’s not going to isolate herself. She’s not a depressing character.

“But Biiiird… How do I convey depression if the character isn’t sad!?”

Welp… Here’s a thing I think people should know… A lot of people who have depression aren’t sad 100% of the time, OR, they don’t appear sad. And in this, I’m going to speak from experience because I can’t possibly treat this as something Universal. What I am going to do is talk a bit about things I experienced myself and what I noticed in this character. And I won’t specify which is which. Yeah. >.>

I consider depression to be 90% internal. What pops up on the surface is just a fraction of what the person is feeling. A lot of people will overcompensate with humor, especially if they’re extroverts, and will cling to the little things that bring them joy. They’ll desperately try to avoid being alone with their thoughts and will often make the excuse of taking care of others. Finding things that make you laugh, or feeling helpful and useful to others does alleviate the feeling of emptiness to some extent, so clinging to these moments, these feelings, is a pretty natural thing to do. Wanting to constantly help others is a way to keep them around without having to admit that you need them. It’s a classical ‘don’t let them see you’re hurting’ tactic. Likewise, it’s also a lot easier to shower people with affection than accepting it from others. This, depending on what kinds of people you have around, can lead to having your sense of self-worth strongly bound with your sense of usefulness to others. Which can make things a lot worse in the long run.

I think you get the picture by now.

The point I’m trying to make is that the reason a lot of people with depression suffer in silence is that, this is not the sort of thing you wear on the surface. And even though now, in a lot of places on the internet, it’s trendy to label yourself things and advertise your mental and emotional conditions to the world, most people still don’t want to be seen as depressed or deal with the possibility of being a burden to others. So they put up a front.

In a lot of characters with depression, that front is utterly missing and they end up written like a caricature; an overly dramatic version of the real thing.

I’m not writing about this to put down writers for wanting to add these things to their stories, but I personally feel that focusing on them is the wrong way to do it. At best you’ll end up sounding like a PSA and at worst you may actually perpetuate a lot of misconceptions. Just be realistic about it, be real about it, make this one thing a part of a greater picture and not the focus of a character’s storyline.

Welp, that’s my opinion anyway. >.>


About Those Life Updates

There’s really nothing much to tell, lol. That’s partially the reason why I haven’t made any more personal posts lately. I’m going through some major writer’s block and applying to jobs. A bit sick again. And this has been my life.


I need to make some money. That’s the gist of it, guys. And I’m not gonna lie; I’m pretty tired and stressed out, but… A normal amount. I don’t feel like I’m having a bad time of life, in particular. It’s just all very uneventful. I’m getting work here and there and living with my family makes it possible to survive that way, but I really, really, want something consistent. That’d take away a lot of the stress. I’m applying to things, so… Fingers crossed and all that.

As for my writer’s block; yeah, that really sucks. I was going back and forth between writing out and editing/rewriting the early chapters of Shadows Rise and all of that just… stopped… this past month. I’m trying to get back into it, but then I don’t want to push myself because sometimes that just makes it worse. I’ll leave all my docs open and look at it every ten-twenty minutes, and I listen to all the music relating to the story so I can keep it in the back of my mind throughout the day… Things like that. It’ll come back to me; don’t worry. 😛

I’m continuing Hogwarts Exposed, so… Chapter two of that at some point tonight or tomorrow.

There won’t be any more posts about that whole YouTube controversy I talked about in my previous posts. I am gonna keep following this story because I was personally concerned, but I won’t be writing about it anymore. A lot of people are already digging into all the facts and as far as opinions go, I made mine clear enough.

So yeah… Back to adulting for a few more hours. See you all later!


A Little Follow Up

Okay, so… A little follow-up on the post I did yesterday before I grace you all with my life updates; I know you all live for that. 😛

A lot of stuff went down with the people in that video. First, they gave an interview on Drama Alert which is a piece of shit YT channel that calls itself news; they are biased as fuck and they stink. Then apparently they went on to say that; yes, the videos are staged, although after the latest video Philip DeFranco put out where the father is telling one of the kids to slap his sister and he does; HARD, I don’t see how some of the shit they do can be faked. That slap wasn’t fake. There’s no way. But of course that was a deleted video, so go figure. More so; they say that the videos are mostly the kids’ ideas and that they do it for the kids. Which… Ugh… Is pathetic. Assuming that was true, which I highly doubt it is, you are the adults and you should teach these kids right from wrong. UUUUGH!

Apparently, the actual mother of the youngest boy and the girl came forward; because yes, the woman on the ink video is, in fact, their stepmom. Props to all the awesome stepmoms out there; you’ve been horribly misrepresented here. And what is being said is that the mother did actually file a police report but because the father is living in Maryland (I think it was) with the kids, the authorities there are calling it ‘corporal punishment’ and saying it’s not abuse. Wow, Maryland, really?

So now the only video left in their channel is titled “Family Destroyed Over False Aquisations”. Yes; ‘aquisations’, not ‘accusations’, gotta love that one. In that video, they pretty much blame Philip DeFranco for all the crap they’re going through and play the victims. Which is stupid. These fuckers did this shit themselves and put it online for the world to judge. Philip DeFranco was incredibly nice in his videos compared to what I feel they deserve. I’m 100% sure these people are covering their asses.

I honestly don’t know how these kids would see it if they were removed from the home, I don’t think they believe they’re being abused, but honestly… I wouldn’t be heartbroken if these assholes got thrown in jail for this.

*shrug* I don’t know how it’s gonna play out, but… Just saying that’s my opinion.