Late Night Wattpad Exploration pt. 01: Nicholas Cage

Yes, you read the title correctly. Nicholas Cage.

Dropping my Harry Potter fan fiction series left a giant badfic-shaped hole on this blog that longs to be filled. And it might not be for quite a while. See, there is a fine balance a fan fiction needs to achieve in order to be great commentary material. It needs to soul-drainingly terrible, but have enough substance so that I’ll have something to say about it. If it’s literally just shit grammar and poorly handled smut that sort of just… Takes care of itself… It doesn’t require my input. That’s what made My Immortal so iconic. Not only was it terrible on its own, but it had room for so many questions to be asked about literally everything. This doesn’t happen with every bad fic. NITWIT wasn’t nearly as fun to do; it mostly just infuriating. And Hogwarts Exposed was just gross. They weren’t great fics, even as far as badfics go to begin with. It’s not a great loss to discontinue them, but still.. They left behind a void.

And for now, I decided that random Wattpad scavenging is going to stand-in for those. At least until I come across something worthy of another commentary series. In order to choose a starting point for this, I took to Twitter and asked people to give me a random celebrity to look up on Wattpad. The very first suggestion I got was Nicholas Cage.

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Well, This Sounds Familiar

Hey, remember when I reviewed Pinocchio back in 2015 and I said:

And yeah, all those kids who get turned into donkeys… We never see them again. Most of them get sent to the mines or whatever, but those that can still tal-… Wait, wait, wait… Pinocchio’s Universe is a part of the Shrek universe and there’s the… Uh… Talking… Donkey… In… That… Movie…

You’re welcome, MatPat. 😛

B.B

Horrible Reasons I’ve Had Characters Killed In The Past

1) Because

All serial killers have to start somewhere. >.>

2) Main Character Angst

Not edgy enough. Killing loved one will make it better. Flawless logic.

3) Couldn’t Justify Their Existence

 Who even is this person? Oh well, down this random cliff with them.

4) Straight Up Got Bored

This story needs something. *randomly gets character stabbed to death* Much better.

5) Suddenly Realized I Forgot About Them For Half The Story

“Oh hey, so there’s where you’ve been all this time!”

– One paragraph later – 

“Oh, no, you’re dead!” 😐

6) Specifically To Make Readers Cry

Hey, look at this precious human being you’ve been gradually falling in love with for pages worth of story! NOW WATCH WHAT I DO WITH THEM! *EVIL LAUGHTER*

Don’t worry, guys, I’ve grown up a lot since any of these things happened. I assure all character deaths from now on are well thought out and serve an important purpose in the plot of my stories.

Honest. 😐

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I Have An Interesting Reputation…

So, I was going to start writing my Dumbo review right now, but for some random reason I decided to look at the blog’s stats. I used to do that pretty often, but… After a while I stopped. Because I didn’t want to depress myself by staring at the results of my inactivity. I mean… This blog grew a lot while I was posting every day, but in the past year and a half now, yeah. I know. I’m aware. -.-

Regardless. I decided to have a look at what my most viewed posts are and I was glad to discover that they were all review posts. My second most read post on this blog is my Snow White review and after that is a mix of horrible fan fiction and random reviews of things. My most viewed post, though, is Astral Hell, which… I guess people Google search that a lot. There’s no other reason. It’s just a post about me feeling like crap the month before my birthday. It’s… Pointless really. 😛

I’ve also looked at the most used search terms to find the Nest. Most of them were unknown; as you’d expect, and several were specific post names which I guess some people stumbled upon and didn’t remember where they saw it. Some search terms were, eh, a lot more entertaining.

There were a plethora of My Immortal quotes here, but my favorite of the bunch were “you stupid poser muggle bitch” and “then…… he started coming!”. “It was tom bombodil” is a good one too. Really, My Immortal is just a gift that keeps on giving and I’m so happy it’s become such a significant part of my life. I regret nothing. >.>

Then there were the really ‘I can’t believe I’m even remotely associated with this’ terms, such as… “adam gontier love story fanfiction” (seriously, I know I want to kidnap him and stuff, but… love story fanfiction? Come on, I have a reputation to uphold here >.>), “avril lavigne facts” (she sucks; that’s a fact for you. =.=), “angelo rulez fucking sister” (there are two versions of this, one with the correct spelling of ‘rules’. I… I don’t even know, man. I just ranted about hating that show once… Why are people finding me by looking up rule 34 of this shit?), “spongebob porn fanfics” (*sigh* this one’s entirely my fault).

My top favorite though…

“memes for people who are jealous of me” – This needs to be an actual post I write one day. 😛

“i don’t get the appeal of buffy” – Glad I’m not alone in this. >.>

“hilarious sarcastic commentary of hogwarts school of prayer and miracles” – Why, thank you. >.>

“i only platonically ship” – #JoinTheMovement!

“why i would never be a feminist” #Don’tJoinTheMovement!

“what does it mean when it feels like it’s friday” – That’s a fucking good question.

And last but not least…

“basically f*** you” – I want this on my grave one day. 😛

So there. I got super distracted laughing at this. I’m probably going to take my meds and pass out now and won’t get that review finished tonight.

But at least I had fun.

B.B

Character Interview 2.5: Crys and Ali

Friends Forever Interview

So, remember when I did this for Luckas and Annie? Yeah, some time ago someone told me how their friend started reading the RPs and that in their own little headcanon they ship Crys and Ali. I thought that was kinda odd, but alright, let headcanons be headcanons I guess. Still, I thought it’d be funny to do this interview with the girls and see how they react to the ship.

So let’s begin. XP

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1. Hey there, what are your names?

Ali: “Ali”

Crys: “Crys”

2. Great! And your ages?

Ali: “I’m 20.”

Crys: “25 here.”

3. How long have you two known each other?

Ali: “Holy crap, it’s been ten years!”

Crys: “Wow, it’s only been ten years? It sure feels like a lot longer sometimes.”

Ali: “Oh, haha.”

4. Has anyone ever told you that you two would make a simply adorable couple?!

Ali: “What? No. That’s a really weird thing to say!”

Crys: “I don’t think Jakey would be on board with this at all.”

5. Yes, yes, I can see it now! The two of you, aged 34, living in a large house with two little tykes running around, calling you motherly nicknames!

Ali: “Ugh, please stop that.”

Crys: “Really, you’re freaking us out a bunch.”

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Optimistic Precognition…

“So you think you broke that guard’s kneecap?”

Sebastian nodded slowly and Kyle’s laughter exploded in a loud burst, the sound bouncing off the wooden walls around them. Seb wasn’t so amused. “There was a small chance he’d jump over it. I decided to be optimistic,” he muttered.

Works great… Like 5% of the time. >.>

It’s a shame Shadows Rise can’t be just Kyle and Sebastian being kids. I love writing these two. They just amuse me so damn much all the freaking time. lol

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Pun Intended?

I finished watching Avatar: The Last Airbender some days ago and, since I was kind of feeling a bit upset it was over… I ended up watching a lot of AMVs of the show on YouTube.

So, now, I log into Youtube and this is on my recommendations:

rock-pun

If you don’t see the humor in this go watch the show. Or, you know, just Google it.

B.B