Things I’d Like To See (More) In Fiction

I’m tired and character analysis takes time and attention span (I am doing it, though). So have this nonsense instead. 😛

1) The main characters not getting together portrayed as a good thing.

“Hey, uhm, so, we’re clearly attracted to each other and I’m not gonna pretend I don’t see it, but… The world nearly got exploded, reality as we knew it is a lie, and I think we might both have PTSD. So how about you hit me up in a year or so? I’m going to find myself a good therapist. I suggest you do the same.”

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Twilight Review: Preface + Chapter 01

[First (you are here!)] [Next]

Disclaimer: I’m not a professional critic. This is strictly my (clearly biased) opinion and if you like this book; hey, good for you. Don’t read this unless you know you can take a punch and laugh about it. Also, I tried not to curse but failed, so… Strong language ahead.

Alright. I’m doing this. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!? >.<

Sorry, guys, that was just a personal message for the dear, dear, friend who bribed me to do this for her. -.-

I’m not going to do much introduction to this. Everyone is sick of knowing what Twilight is and it’s not much of a secret that I hate it with the fire and fury of a thousand suns.

That said, I gave my word that I would be as fair as I possibly can about this book and I meant it. I don’t want this review series to turn into a rage induced rant (we already have NITWIT for that, don’t we? -.-). Because, in all honesty, the first time I read this book I was so angry with it I spent an entire afternoon ranting about it to Wifey over IMs and then in person to another friend who was sitting next to me enjoying the spectacle of smoke coming out of my ears. I was so angry that I decided not to read the rest of the series for my own sake and that of everyone around me. That was a good number of years ago., though, and I would like to think I’ve matured since then and can now go through this without completely losing my shit.

Time will tell, I guess.

It’s the first time I do a chapter-by-chapter review so, I’m going to give a very short summary of what happens in the chapter, then break it down by quoting certain ‘notable’ passages and talking about them, then finally I’ll give my final thoughts. Since a requirement for this review is that I find a positive in each chapter, I’ll leave that part last. You know, to end on a positive note. Or something. *groans* UghI’malreadyregrettingthis.

Let’s begin! -.-

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How Are These People Alive? (FB Edition)

Remember my last post when I wondered how the human race isn’t extinct?

Yeah, let’s explore that a bit further. Because I can’t sleep again and decided to just go looking for some displays of stupid from around the internets… Let’s post the greatest hits. >.>

I Blame James Cameron For This Shit

stupidest-facebook-posts-titantic

Now, there are a bunch of these ‘Titanic was or wasn’t real’ posts around,  but I picked this one for two reasons. One; this person isn’t wondering whether the events happened, she is questioning whether the movie is a fucking documentary, and two; drounding!?

Also, you do realize some people survived the Titanic, right? It says so right in the fucking movie you’re thinking may possibly have been recorded by someone’s primitive iPhone.

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Weird As F*ck Ads

It was past 5am when finally got off the computer and I thought, maybe I just wasn’t awake enough and was imagining the really creepy ads google was giving me for some reason. You guys should know that Google ads often go off of you browser history to give you ads you might relate to. Having a writer’s browser history more than often gives me some interesting advertisements, but this seems like something out of Joffrey Baratheon’s wet dreams.

Like seriously…

WTFads

I get the crossbows, I was researching crossbows; again, trying to figure out a character’s weapon design, but the half naked anime doll and the frilly dress? Uh… What? I was particularly curious about the doll so I clicked it. And… Yeeeaah… What?

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Valcrest Texts

I was bored some time ago and I made these:

Jake-Lukey text convo

Luckas is awfully bored when his Lady’s away. >.>

OopsWrongNumber

Whip jokes are a tradition in this series; don’t question it. Also; DastanXLukey OTP!

Yeah, in an alternate universe where Valcrest is technologically advanced, Luckas has even more means to annoy Jake. 😛

B.B

Did You Ever Think About Snakes?

 “Jakey! Jakey!”

“Hmm?”

“Did you ever think about snakes? It’s so sad!”

“What? What’s so sad about snakes, Crystal?”

“They don’t have any arms!”

“…So?”

“They can’t hug each other with no arms! Don’t you think that’s sad!?”

“Crys, it’s the middle of the night, go back to slee-… Wait, are you actually crying about this? For fucks sake, you are NOT allowed to drink anymore!”

“But… But… THEY CAN’T HUG, JAKEY!!!”

– 2 hours later – 

*Aiden answers the door to find a pissed off Jake holding an emotionally unstable drunken empath*

“Do you guys know that time it is?”

“Aiden, tell Crys snakes aren’t sad about hugs.”

“Wh-…?

“Just TELL HER, MAN!”

 

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Stalkers Day Is Near!

Before I go on with what I have to say, I’m sorry I’ve been kind of absent. Been caught up in watching the Carnaval festivities and as of yesterday I’ve been working on this bit of writing that’s… Kind of consuming my thoughts. ^^”

Also, I made this and I really like how it turned out, so I’m gonna show it off:

Nooow… Stalkers’ Day! Wooohooo!

Are you guys excited? I’m excited!

Wifey and I think we can actually hijack the date from Valentine’s Day if we gather enough support, so if you guys want to help us out, spread the word!

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Oh, Boy… We Have A Winner

The other day Wifey and I were chatting on Steam and she pointed out a game called I Am Bread. To which I replied that seeing as there was a Grass Simulator wasn’t all that nonsensical.

And today I saw a game called “Shower With Your Dad Simulator 2015”.

DadSimulator

I honestly wish I was joking

There is not amount of stupid that could possibly top this one. And the creators assure us that pixelated censor bars in the marketing images are not present in the actual game. No. You get 100% pixelated dad-son nudity for your money’ worth.

*facepalms* I give up.

B.B